John’s Blog

Something is Happening

Today I’m moving back to Duluth. The city of fog, barber shops and sandwiches. And in three days I’ll be beginning my sophomore year of college. And you may be thinking “That’s very exciting. I bet, given all I know about John, that he’s feeling excited, prepared, and not the least bit overwhelmed. And at … Continue reading Something is Happening

Nothing is Happening

Today’s my day off! I could try and rope someone into taking me to Grand Marais, but I’d much rather sit around and do nothing. But I also wanted to write a blog post. And since I’m doing nothing, I’m going to write about nothing. Real stream of consciousness shit. Completely different from my other … Continue reading Nothing is Happening

A Modern Fairy Tale

I wanted to start writing short stupid stories in different formats. And this week I decided to write my own fairy tale. It’s not like we have any good new fairy tales, right? It’s all pigs and wolves and shoes and beanstalks and other crap. Let’s get some new blood in there. I’m sick of … Continue reading A Modern Fairy Tale

I Tried To Write A Song

I’m not the first person to point out how unrealistic some songs can be. You could go on Spotify right now and listen to over a thousand different songs about getting drunk and partying and having the best day of your life. Now I’ve never gotten drunk myself, but from what I’ve heard from people … Continue reading I Tried To Write A Song

Stuck In An Elevator

A few months ago I was at work during an extremely short campus-wide power outage. It was probably about five seconds long. But I kept saying to everyone how I wished I had been in the elevator when it happened. How that would be such a great story to have. Everyone looked at me like … Continue reading Stuck In An Elevator

An Ode To Spring

It feels as if the ground is buckling under me with each slippery step. The unforgiving concrete has been coated with what must have once been a fine white powder. But now the thick paste surrounding my soaking feet looks a lot more like day-old excrement. No matter how far up the hill I seem … Continue reading An Ode To Spring

My Greatest Fear

Welcome to my fiftieth blog post!!! I did it! Yaaaaaaaaay. Thank you to everyone who has read my posts so far. And no thank you if you aren’t reading my blog. I can definitively say that if you’ve never read my blog then you aren’t my friend and I don’t like you. Because you aren’t … Continue reading My Greatest Fear

I Rewatched Space Jam: A New Legacy And This Is The Full Review!

Full spoilers for this full review of this bad movie that I love! About five months ago I attempted to rewatch my favorite/least favorite movie, Space Jam: A New Legacy. My plan was to provide 115 thoughts I had while watching it, because this movie is 115 minutes long. But the awesomeness that is this … Continue reading I Rewatched Space Jam: A New Legacy And This Is The Full Review!

Superpowers

Because I’m a known comic book fan I’ve been asked many times which superpower I would want to have. It’s an interesting question that I’ve thought about a lot, but I’ve never really come up with a definitive answer. Lately all the answers I can think of are mostly negative self-deprecative ideas that would inevitably … Continue reading Superpowers

John’s TV Show Pitches!

Following the immense success of my five weird movie pitches, I thought I should take my talents to another industry entirely. Why stop with movies when I can make way more money off these incredibly lucrative ideas I have? It’s time for me to take my talents to TV! Hoopy Days – Hoop Springs EternalWillard … Continue reading John’s TV Show Pitches!

John’s Movie Pitches!

I have a lot of really weird ideas rolling around in my head that I just need to get on paper. So I thought I could do it in the form of movie pitches! So we’ll see how this goes. And if anyone has any suggestions on how to continue to avoid finishing my Space … Continue reading John’s Movie Pitches!

I’m Just So Tired

I fell asleep during my Communications class again today. The teacher didn’t notice, because he’s teaching 120 students in a big lecture hall. It sounds like I didn’t snore this time, and I doubt anyone else noticed. I also record the lectures for this class, so I really didn’t miss anything. It’s all good. At … Continue reading I’m Just So Tired

Technical Difficulties

Okay. This is it. you’re going to write a blog post. No more distractions. You can’t keep staring off into the distance. You have to get something done. The ideas won’t come to you out of nowhere, and the post certainly won’t write itself. You gotta focus, John. Stop letting random and useless thoughts get … Continue reading Technical Difficulties

It’s 2022 Now! Yay…

For the sake of tradition, I will now write a list of things that I will not end up doing in the coming year, so I can look back at this and get super depressed 364 days from now. Let’s do it! Be funnier. Go on more adventures. Figure out how to make the stubble … Continue reading It’s 2022 Now! Yay…

Merry Christmas To Me!

As a gift to myself I have decided not to write some long involved poem or joke interview or story about evil corporations. There are so many “funny takes” on the holiday season and I really just don’t see the point of adding my own. Especially because I’ve been focused on my posts for next … Continue reading Merry Christmas To Me!

I Rewatched The First Half Of Space Jam: A New Legacy And I May Never Recover

Obviously spoilers for this horrible movie that I love. Two months ago now I sat down to review Space Jam: A New Legacy. My plan was to write a thought down for every minute of the film, which has a runtime of 115 minutes. But I couldn’t do it. I got halfway through and it … Continue reading I Rewatched The First Half Of Space Jam: A New Legacy And I May Never Recover

Anxiety Doesn’t Sleep

The clock tells me that the time is currently 1:13 AM. My brain tells me I should sleep. My body tells me I should sleep. The fact that I have class in the morning means I should probably go to sleep. But I’d rather listen to podcasts, eat Wheaties, and play Project: Makeover. My brain … Continue reading Anxiety Doesn’t Sleep

Thanksgiving For The Thankless: Gobble Gobble

Thanksgiving is a holiday all about reuniting with your loved ones, enjoying some excellent turkey(Unless you’re vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian or something else I’m forgetting), and appreciating what you have. For some of us. Unfortunately, there are some out there sacrificing more than we could ever comprehend so we can enjoy this joyful time of year. … Continue reading Thanksgiving For The Thankless: Gobble Gobble

Thanksgiving For The Thankless: No Strings Attached

Thanksgiving is a holiday all about reuniting with your loved ones, watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and appreciating what you have. For some of us. Unfortunately, there are some out there sacrificing more than we could ever comprehend so we can enjoy this joyful time of year. And nobody is thanking them. Over the … Continue reading Thanksgiving For The Thankless: No Strings Attached

John VS His Stupid Brain

I’m usually listening to or watching something if I can. A podcast or some music, or some dumb TV show or movie. Because I hate being alone with my thoughts. I have too much to get done and I can’t deal with all the depressing crap my mind pumps out. “What’ll happen when I die?” … Continue reading John VS His Stupid Brain

A Reflection on Television

I’d be able to get so much done if other, more creative people would just stop making things. Like most human beings, I have ADHD, so if I see something shiny and entertaining, I’m probably gonna ditch whatever I’m working on to go see what this shiny thing is about. Which is difficult, because my … Continue reading A Reflection on Television

A Truly Scary Story

It begins with a stuffed mouse. It has distinctly round black ears that could be recognized from any distance. At the end of it’s cartoonish snout lies a spherical black knob of a nose. Hidden beneath the nose is a large, toothy, friendly grin. The mouse wears bright red shorts, yellow shoes, and distinct white … Continue reading A Truly Scary Story

Why Pitch Perfect and Monsters University are the Same Movie: A Contemplation

This is something I’ve wanted to write about for some time now, as it’s a very clear comparison that not many people have made. At least, from what I can tell. But when I’ve told people this, I’ve been mocked and ridiculed. People think that I’m not serious just because I’m comparing two seemingly different … Continue reading Why Pitch Perfect and Monsters University are the Same Movie: A Contemplation

Intro To John

Welcome to my blog! This project means a lot to me, so I wanted to thank you for your support. I can’t promise that every post will be brief, but I can promise that most of the things I say will be completely idiotic. I learned how to read when I was two years old. … Continue reading Intro To John

The Never Ending Battle

I’m lost Struggling Grasping for breath beneath the unrelenting waves Of tacky desk confectionaries A nearby aisle assaults me with wicker baskets While I’m nearly strangled by some soft blankets The scented candles attempt to burn me alive I try to run To escape But trip over a fuzzy ottoman that’s been on sale since … Continue reading The Never Ending Battle