Previously on The Flying Nun, Revisited…
“The Flying Nun is a hip sixties woman named Sister Bertrille from New York and she just began working at a convent in exceedingly windy San Juan, Puerto Rico. She weighs ninety pounds and her cornette is shaped in such a way that makes it aerodynamic when countered with a large gust of wind. She sings songs to children like The Sound of Music and there’s a local sleazy rich jerk named Carlos that Sister Bertrille is always running into whenever he’s about to kiss a woman. She usually gets into some sort of scheme that involves using his vast wealth or losing his vast wealth. The Flying Nun has a warm but begrudging friendship with the Reverend Mother. She’s also a good mechanic, and allergic to Hibiscus. Her real name is Elsie, and she comes from a family of doctors. She’s good friends with Sister Jacqueline, who narrates the episodes, as well as Sister Sixto. She’s friendly with birds, whether they talk or have crushes on her. And for some reason, for the last few episodes of the season, she now has a pet dog named Horatio.”
Wow. What a weird big journey. It’s odd to think we’ve come this far. It only took one year for me to write a second post, and another year to finish up the show. But a short 82 episodes later, and… Sorry, I might cry.
Introduction –
In the modern day, no concept, TV show or movie is ever forgotten. Everything, no matter how stupid, has a fanbase of some kind and ends up getting a sequel, a revival, or a recap podcast with people laughing at jokes they made five to thirty years ago. Why has the long forgotten Sally Field sitcom, The Flying Nun, been left behind? Alas this is the end of The Flying Nun. And why? Why did this Goliath, this golden gem, this feather in the cap of TV broadcasting, meet its untimely demise? It was untimely cancelled because it was moved to a later timeslot and all competing shows performed better in the ratings. And I for one call hooey. It aired opposite something called The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour. Really?! Surely that didn’t do better. Who still talks about something so ridiculous as The Glen Campbell Goodtime Hour? Nobody, surely! And who still talks about The Flying Nun? Well… probably only me. Ah, well. All good things must come to an end. And this as well.
The Flying Nun, 3.21: “Papa Carlos”
We open on a game of volleyball, with some interesting inclusions. For one, Horatio is still here. He broke the volleyball. And his owner is once again using obvious stunt doubles for the flying scenes where you don’t have to see her face. I would say this is very diva-ish behavior and that it’s rude of her to talk crap about the show now. But she’s definitely above the material she’s working with, and honestly, fair. Anyway, Carlos was a long distance foster father for a girl from Korea and she’s here to visit. But somehow there was a mix-up and the little girl is a thirty year old woman looking for a husband. Her name is Kim. And I’m willing to bet quite a bit of money that Miko Mayama, the actress playing Kim, could speak perfect English and not the borderline offensive broken English she speaks throughout the episode.
Kim pretty quickly meets the Convent’s Gardener and an obvious romance blooms between them. Horatio isn’t good at tricks, by the way. And I want to call out IMDb as well as, presumably, the show itself, for not crediting the dog who plays Horatio. Unsurprisingly, but ironically, Carlos is very selective about who he’ll allow to date Kim. And he for some reason wants the nuns at the Convent to make her more ladylike. Which makes zero sense, by the way. She seems fine. It’s the men he’s worried about. Oh, and Kim thinks Carlos wants to marry her. That’s the conflict. And Sister Bertrille talks to Kim after her dinner with Carlos and learns that Kim still thinks Carlos wants to marry her, while wearing, by the way, the most horrid green floral pajamas. I usually think of Sally Field as pretty stylish. I don’t know why, because I mainly think of this show, where she wears an unstylish outfit all the time. But this is worse.
I’ve been interrupted by an excessively annoying TextNow commercial about street interviews. I will say, I’m not as sympathetic for Ramon considering his main function in this episode is to whine that the girl he likes feels indebted to Carlos. Because Kim is trying to move into Carlos’s house to become a Korean housewife. What a great episode to start this final batch of episodes with, one about 60’s stereotypical understandings of gender, class, and social status. And then Ramon shows up and whines about how he doesn’t like Carlos while his borderline unibrow wiggles and waggles about. But he wins. Because women need permission to date. Ugh. Oh and at the end, Ramon and Kim elope. Fine.
Episode Rating – 2.6 Sally Fields
The Flying Nun, 3.22: “The Candid Commercial”
The Convent’s washing machine is broken and the nuns handwashing and then flying the clothes dry isn’t a viable solution. I wonder what Sister Bertrille will do? Ah, yes. But Carlos doesn’t get them a new washing machine. He sends her to a new laundromat. But it doesn’t seem on the up and up. It seems like they’re two scammers trying to film gonzo commercials without anyone knowing. I bet nuns can’t endorse detergent brands, can they? Apparently they cannot. The Reverend Mother is against any nuns in her novitiate (I don’t think I’m using that right but what a good word!) endorsing commercial brands. Even if it means turning down a free washing machine and a year’s supply of detergent. Carlos can’t solve her problem either. “That’s the risk you run when you enter a strange laundry. You might win a washing machine.”
The commercial guy refuses to throw the tape out. And fairly so, it’s been filmed and edited and he’s poured a bunch of money into this. But he’s willing to risk the ire of the Vatican and Sister Bertrille’s reused shot of flying that could be the basis of a drinking game, honestly. So Carlos comes up with a scheme to trick the commercial guy into thinking she’s a nun themed go-go dancer on the run from a criminal that he read about in the newspaper or something. Of course then the Bishop shows up and says the commercial can air. But the damage has been done. Beyond that though, I’m beginning to wonder whether this was a futile endeavor. Not this episode specifically, but watching this show for a blog in general. What have I gained? What have my readers gained? There’s no substance to this show!
You know how much time I’ve dedicated to this stupid show? I’m only just now finishing this show that I could have been done with over two years ago!!! Unsurprisingly, Sister Bertrille manages to annoy the guy into giving her a free washer, a year’s supply of detergent, and a dryer too. But for all I know it’ll be broken in the next episode too. Such is the meaninglessness of life.
Episode Rating – 4.1 Sally Fields (Why do I make the decisions I make?)
The Flying Nun, 3.23: “A Gift for El Charro”
Only four episodes to go. There’s a new handyman at the Convent who works in exchange for being taught English. A reshuffle of at least two plotlines they’ve done before. Also Sister Jacqueline makes an oblique reference to children’s nursery rhymes in her voiceover to tie in to Pablo, the handyman, learning English, but also speak of bad things to come. She always does that. She’s always talking about how there’ll be shenanigans and disaster of some sort. And things are usually fine, just a bit… sitcomy. Why does she do these voiceovers? Who is she talking to? I mean, us, I guess. But it’s a really weird framing mechanism. It’s never even referenced.
Anyway, Carlos is getting reading glasses and eye surgery or something, and thinking he’s met the one he wants to settle down with. Okay! That’s a surprise. He also thinks Pablo is El Charro, a famous bullfighter. I’m surprised they haven’t done a bullfighter plot in an episode yet. Not because of where the show is set, but because they’ve done episodes about just about everything else. It is El Charro, and newspapermen are trying to hunt him down and make tabloids out of his personal life. So they have Carlos pretend to be the handyman, and a mixup leads to the newspapermen publishing the news that Carlos can’t read or write. He can’t prove it though, because he got those eye drops from the Doctor. I don’t know how that works, honestly. Why does he need eye drops to be fitted for reading glasses?
And now his girlfriend doesn’t believe that he’s educated, and she’s dumping him because her father doesn’t want her dating uneducated men. There’s a scene where Carlos goes insane trying to explain the whole thing, because I guess I was wrong, it’s El Charro’s manager looking for him? This is nonsense. The studio audience don’t even know when to laugh. If there is a studio audience. Most of this feels like it has to have been filmed outside of studios. Oh no, El Charro and Carlos’s girlfriend have instant chemistry. Carlos really needs to move. Every time he tries to help Sister Bertrille, his life is ruined.
Episode Rating – 6.2 Sally Fields (I feel bad for Carlos)
The Flying Nun, 3.24: “When Generations Gap”
I’m honestly shocked that Horatio is still in this show. He’s been in every episode since he was introduced. Maybe Sally Field just wanted her dog on set with her? She spent most of that first episode with him holding him in her arms. He is a good dog. Anyway, Sister Bertrille is going into town to get that horrible purple car serviced by a mechanic. What a thrilling set-up for an episode. She has to remember to tell him that the windows stick and the brakes are loose. And she accidentally ran a red light and hit a car driven by two of the most stereotypical bad acting hippy types I’ve ever seen. One of them has a horrendous goatee. And they both have terrible dialogue. I can’t do an episode of this, I just can’t. Basically, nobody else in town believes the hippies, because they’re pro nun and anti hippies who are also in a band.
The car crash is badly filmed, also. And apparently the bad acting hippies, who call themselves The Paper Balloon, are Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart, of The Monkees. That’s a bummer. I like The Monkees. At least, in theory. There’s some guy on the street who claims he saw them hit Sister Bertrille’s ugly purple car, and Carlos is their agent while they’re in town, and, unsurprisingly, a bunch of ridiculousness ensues. This guy on the street apparently knows she did it, but he doesn’t like hippies and he wants the Convent to sue them for money because his son is one too. And the people who made this show definitely know what hippies look and act like. Ugh.
Long story short, half the Monkees end up winning the people over because the main complaint is that they’re rich and the Convent isn’t. So instead they have the proceeds of the concerts go to the Convent. And there’s a musical number, because otherwise why get them?
Episode Rating – 3.5 Sally Fields (Not very groovy, baby)
The Flying Nun, 3.25: “Operation Population”
I know I’ve really turned on this show. I feel like I’ve lost my innocence. I’ve lost my will to do stupid stuff for the heck of it. And I’ve lost a good amount of time I’ll never get back. But in the meantime, a park is being sold, a local mother is upset with the Mayor, and one of the two actors who plays said Mayor has returned. Apparently 44 people need to move to town to qualify for state aid. Or this patch of land will be sold. I bet it’ll just end with Carlos buying the park. So the Sisters are all focused on finding babies who are being born, but they forget people who are dying.
Carlos can’t help. So they try to get people to move. There’s some solid gags, Sister Sixto and Sister Anna convince a couple to get married at the Convent, assuming they’ll move, but they’re vacationing from Milwaukee. And Sister Bertrille drops a bunch of flyers in a local city trying to convince people to move, but the primary takers are residents of the local penitentiary. I’d like to be done with this so I can shower and make dinner. This episode isn’t as short or as quick as I’d like it to be. All the plans and schemes fail. I could mention them all, but I’m too bored. I think I’ve guessed the twist though, the rich guy who wants to buy the land and build a skyscraper, him and his wife have rented a house in town and I’m willing to bet they have a big family?
This is an odd way to justify state aid by the way, population numbers fluctuate daily. Yes, I was right, exactly thirteen kids, meaning with the parents, that gives them the exact number they need to hit 4,000 people. Unfortunately the day camp they run on this playground now includes the thirteen children of that vindictive rich guy. Yaaaay, episode over!
Episode Rating – 5.8 Sally Fields (I feel like I’m just pulling random numbers out of my ass at this point.)
The Flying Nun, 3.26: “No Tears for Thomas”
Holy shit. I’m finally here. I went to skip the intro, but I realized, this is my last episode, I should give it one final watch. I do like the theme tune. I’m curious what they’ll do for this final episode. Did they know it would be the finale? Well, there’s a fisherman, to start with. And he’s arranging his own funeral for a week from now. Not a week from now in 2026, tomorrow in 1970. And he’s Carlos’s uncle. This is an odd setup for a finale. Maybe they’re going to pull the rug out from under me and do a fade to black like The Soprano’s or something. Now that I’m at the end, I’m going to go back to pretending that this is incredible prestige television. Or at least I’ll try. I do appreciate the irony of a man planning his own funeral being the last episode of a TV show.
Oh, so he’s planning his funeral because there’s a sign that men in his family see exactly one week before they die. A fish or something? I don’t think he said. That’s not bad. Horatio’s back! And he still won’t do tricks properly. Except a couple episodes ago he tricked Sister Bertrille into shaking his paw, which was covered in paint. Horatio just started biting the Reverend Mother’s habit. Ah, man. I will miss the Reverend Mother. Anyway, there’s a woman who almost married Thomas Martinez, the fisherman, who almost became his fifth wife. Which is insane, by the way. And she wants to be with him in the time he has left. Meanwhile he’s charging all his funereal expenses to the Convent.
Thomas is a handful, bugging the crap out of everyone who has to deal with him and his planned funeral. But he’s also a good-looking guy. He’s got a Hispanic Captain Haddock vibe with his beard and his hat. Apparently the sign is a big white bird. So I wonder what he actually saw. This one I didn’t predict, honestly. But mainly because I didn’t know what the sign was. I’m interested to see how this plot will end. It can basically go one of two ways. Either they convince him he won’t die and he goes back to his life, or he believes them and dies anyway in some random scenario. Carlos and Sister Bertrille go to show him the bird he saw, AKA Sally Field’s stunt double. And I thought it was interesting that Carlos says “Nobody else can know about this but us”. Everybody knows about it, man!
So one last time, Sister Bertrille has to prove to someone, definitively, that she can fly and this is not a religious sign of some kind. And then he does a Grandpa Joe bed jump and decides not to marry Luisa, but she has money from her widow. He does have to pay the Convent back though, so we’ll see how much money he really has. The Wake is now a celebration of life. But he can still die, you know. I know that there’s a giant wheel of cheese at the party I’d love to dig into. I like that Thomas still makes them read his ego-ridden eulogy even though he’s there and alive. And everyone cries. Very funny.
But that’s it! That’s the end! Tubi tried to autoplay Gidget. No thank you, I won’t be doing that. I’ve learned my lesson. Maybe I’ve got rose tinted glasses all of a sudden, but I kind of enjoyed that episode! I’m done!!! I made it!!! I’m free from this prison I put myself in!!!!! No more Convent San Tanco!!!! No more Carlos Ramirez!!!! No more weird plotlines that have nothing to do with nuns or flying!!!! But ultimately, I’m proud of myself, even with the delays and my growing disinterest in the project at hand, for sticking with this. I was determined, and here I am, 82 episodes later. Anyway. Thank you, for flying along with me. I’ll see you next time, for a different thing that I hopefully care more about. But I won’t be doing anything like this for a little while, at least.
Episode Rating – 8.4 Sally Fields
Well. That’s it! I’ve finally done it. If you’ve followed me this far, I genuinely respect you. Because this was a ridiculous endeavor to undertake. Why would somebody do something like this? That’s a good question. An even better question: If someone spent sixteen months watching and reviewing a ridiculous TV show about a Flying Nun that they sort of watched when they were a kid, purely for their own amusement, why would they even consider for a moment watching and recapping another show they watched when they were a kid that nobody remembers? Who would do that? There are so many other things you could do with your life! Well… I may have another one planned. But a much smaller time commitment. We’ll see if it happens. But in the meantime, thanks for reading!