DISCLAIMER: This post was written one week before I plan on posting it, so by the time this is published I will no longer be in quarantine and I will have rejoined the real world. Just wanted to make that clear so as to dissuade any worries. So a few months ago I made a … Continue reading Quarantining Outside My Comfort Zone
Charlie had been staring at his computer screen for exactly one hour, forty-three minutes and seventeen seconds. In this time he had averaged two blinks every thirty minutes, and had only turned away from the computer three and a half times. Two of those times were so he could flip the novelty hourglass he kept … Continue reading Can’t The Story Just Write Itself?
Today I'm moving back to Duluth. The city of fog, barber shops and sandwiches. And in three days I'll be beginning my sophomore year of college. And you may be thinking "That's very exciting. I bet, given all I know about John, that he's feeling excited, prepared, and not the least bit overwhelmed. And at … Continue reading Something is Happening
Today’s my day off! I could try and rope someone into taking me to Grand Marais, but I’d much rather sit around and do nothing. But I also wanted to write a blog post. And since I’m doing nothing, I’m going to write about nothing. Real stream of consciousness shit. Completely different from my other … Continue reading Nothing is Happening
I wanted to start writing short stupid stories in different formats. And this week I decided to write my own fairy tale. It’s not like we have any good new fairy tales, right? It’s all pigs and wolves and shoes and beanstalks and other crap. Let’s get some new blood in there. I’m sick of … Continue reading A Modern Fairy Tale
For many reasons that don't really make sense, I chose to spend my summer working at a summer camp that sends campers out on canoe portaging trips in the Boundary Waters. Despite the fact that it isn't something I would normally do, I've been having a pretty good time so far. I just returned from … Continue reading Canoeing Outside My Comfort Zone
About three months ago I decided that the best way to break into Hollywood was to tell them my ideas directly. That way they could come to me and option all my excellent movie ideas. But for some reason, nobody ever contacted me about any of my pitches. I've thought long and hard about why … Continue reading More of John’s Movie Pitches!
I'm not the first person to point out how unrealistic some songs can be. You could go on Spotify right now and listen to over a thousand different songs about getting drunk and partying and having the best day of your life. Now I've never gotten drunk myself, but from what I've heard from people … Continue reading I Tried To Write A Song
A few months ago I was at work during an extremely short campus-wide power outage. It was probably about five seconds long. But I kept saying to everyone how I wished I had been in the elevator when it happened. How that would be such a great story to have. Everyone looked at me like … Continue reading Stuck In An Elevator
It feels as if the ground is buckling under me with each slippery step. The unforgiving concrete has been coated with what must have once been a fine white powder. But now the thick paste surrounding my soaking feet looks a lot more like day-old excrement. No matter how far up the hill I seem … Continue reading An Ode To Spring