Hey, everybody! It’s that time of year again, by which I mean many days after the year has ended! So here I am to talk about some movies and shows I watched this year. Some of them were good, some of them were bad. I’m going to rant about a few of them here. But also I haven’t been able to see Poor Things yet, and I’m pretty sure I’ll enjoy that quite a bit.

The Eight Most Memorable Movies John Watched In 2023
Just like last year, when I say memorable, I don’t mean specifically good or bad. They’re not really in order, the only two I didn’t like are ranked at the bottom and all the good ones are random. After that I’ll talk about Paul Rudd and TV shows.

8. Fast X
“You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Any place is better
Starting from zero, got nothing to lose
Maybe we’ll make something
Me, myself, I got nothing to prove“
– Tracy Chapman

I talked about this one a bit in my long and somewhat exhausting breakdown of the Fast Franchise. I haven’t rewatched it, but I somewhat unironically love this movie. It’s soooo stupid in the funniest way. Pete Davidson is there. Why? I don’t know. Vin Diesel spends 90% of the movie wandering around by himself and everybody’s got a secret relative because it’s all about family, BABY!!! Jason Momoa’s playing the Joker basically and Jack Reacher is a generic government man but also a secret villain?! John Cena dies by firing his weird cannon car onto another car. And Gal Gadot and The Rock show up at the very end because they both made DC movies that everyone hated. I loved it. I can’t wait for the next one.

7. Barbie
Much has been said about this movie. Everybody has an opinion on it. Lots of people love it. Lots of people hate it. What do I think? I think it’s a funny movie with lots of good jokes. I think that the internet discourse around this movie being “anti-men” is idiotic. I also think that this movie doesn’t really say anything new or revolutionary about the gender divide and they maybe don’t land that message in the end. And the weird hand-wave ending of “I don’t know how to go back to being Barbie so instead I’ll ask my weird ghost inventor to make me human” was a very vague and abrupt way to end the movie. But none of that ruins my enjoyment of it, because it’s a fun time. Every time someone asked me if I should watch this, I just rattled off a bunch of bits and jokes that I love. I love watching incredibly attractive actors running around life-sized toy sets debating mortality through very specific Greta Gerwig/Noah Baumbachian dialogue. I love random jokes about Zach Snyder’s Justice League and the song “Push”. Oh, and my favorite scene, easily, was when Barbie told the old woman on the park bench that she was so beautiful and the woman said “I know it!” It melts my heart every time I watch it. Also, the soundtrack in general is just fantastic. I don’t understand why someone’s preconceived societal biases would impact their enjoyment of a fun silly summer movie. On a fully unrelated note to what I said, this movie was so successful that it fully made up for Warner Brothers’ worst movie of the year (In terms of quality and box office performance), The Flash.

6. Oppenheimer
I did see Barbie and Oppenheimer back to back with my friends Katy, Jackson and Grace the weekend they came out. I was thinking about writing a double review but obviously I decided not to and now here we are. My recommendation, if you’re still in the past and able to see both of these movies in theaters, would be to watch Oppenheimer first, have Chinese food for lunch, and then go see Barbie. That’s how we did it and we had a delightful time. If you start with the harrowing biopic about nuclear genocide, you have a lot to talk about over fried rice, and then any tension you may have felt watching Cillian Murphy blow up the world dissipates once Barbie kicks into gear. From memory I liked both movies equally though I haven’t rewatched this and I’ve seen Barbie three times. But this three hour depressing saga of the life and times of J. Robert Oppenheimer may not have the same rewatchability, no? Anyway, I really liked it. It’s a testament to Christopher Nolan, his cinematographer, and the 35 well-known actors he cast in this, that it’s not the most boring movie in the world. Because it is mostly scenes of a bunch of men in a room debating what will happen when they drop a bomb. We all know what happened when they dropped the bomb, even though none of that is included here. So yeah, I don’t have much else to say about it. I think about it a lot. I think about how I was the only person who laughed in a completely silent theater when Oppenheimer said his famous quote “I am become death, the destroyer of worlds” while having sex with Florence Pugh. I think about how it was kind of weird in a historical biopic to have a twist villain reveal. But most of all, I think about how Christopher Nolan pulled off the cinematic equivalent of “A dad has read a World War 2 book and wants to tell everyone about it” but also it’s really good.

5. Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning
Remember last year when everyone was talking about how much they liked Top Gun: Maverick? I thought it was fine. But this? FWAH! I love this movie. I loved every second of it. This summer, I saw The Flash and Secret Invasion and I began to question whether childhood nostalgia worked on me anymore. And then I saw this and I can say with confidence that it definitely does. My friend Zach was super embarrassed because I kept flailing my arms and legs around every time they played the theme. I love the Mission: Impossible theme. I also like most of these movies. And this is one of the best ones. I didn’t like it as much as Fallout. But the action sequences were all really fun. There was so much going on! Tom Cruise does a big run and Shea Whigham keeps tackling people and Hayley Atwell is a thief and the villain wears really nice outfits. It was also really funny in a way that these movies usually aren’t. And they managed to tie this back to the first movie by bringing back Henry Czerny as Kittridge (So cool) and having the third act take place on a crashing train. I think that first movie is pretty good, but I prefer the fun bombastic action and beautiful sweeping shots of the last few (4 and 6 in particular. I like 5, but not as much. 3 wouldn’t be as interesting without Phillip Seymour Hoffman and 2 is so bad it’s good) to the restrained paranoia of the first one. And for me, this was a great combination of all those aspects in the best way. Was it overly long and did the scene where Hayley Atwell was clearly impersonating Elizabeth Debicki feel somewhat nonsensical? Did Ving Rhames leave halfway through? Does it feel like they don’t have anything to do with Benji as a character but they killed off Rebecca Ferguson instead while clunkily replacing her with Hayley Atwell? Yes on all counts. I don’t care though. These movies shut down the part of my brain that view movies with cynicism and criticality. Cary Elwes was there just so he could be revealed to be evil! The villain screams Ethan’s name in anger at the end when he realizes he’s been tricked! Kittridge rolls his eyes before Tom Cruise gasses him! It’s so much fun. I might go rewatch it actually.

4. Asteroid City
I’m a notorious fan of Wes Anderson. I love all of his movies to varying degrees, but not blindly. I realize that his movies aren’t for everyone and this one in particular was divisive. Because people mistake having a recognizable style for just making the same movies over and over with diminishing returns (The clear distinction between Wes Anderson, a quirky guy who just wants to make fun weird movies, and a big studio like Sony or Warner Brothers farming out committee-made superhero movies while not understanding how to make anything but a worse version of something they’ve already seen.). And they would rather yell at him about how they hate his movies and he should change things up and then reshare some crappy AI-generated Wes Anderson Star Wars trailer because it’s the coolest thing they’ve ever seen. Shut up. If you don’t like his movies, don’t watch the trailers for the new ones and complain about how bad they look, and don’t minimize his work while heralding some algorithmic piece of shit that some random guy made by punching words into a computer. Those are all terrible and nobody should make them. I like crapping on movies as much as the next person Anyway, I also didn’t love Asteroid City on first viewing. I had had a long day and walked alone through the rain to a small local arthouse theater I’d never been to and thought the movie was weirdly paced and slow and not as interesting or as fun as Fantastic Mr. Fox or The Grand Budapest Hotel. And I was going to blog about how I thought I was falling out of love with Wes Anderson’s movies. But I’ve rewatched it like three times and I think it’s great. It’s a fun story within a story within a story about telling stories and what’s real and what isn’t, or it’s a fun comedy that breezes by. Either way, I liked it. Just like his last movie, The French Dispatch, the first time around I had too many expectations of what the plot would end up being and who would do what, but in the end it’s just a fun hangout film as good as any of his others, but more towards the top. Plus these recent ones look especially beautiful in comparison to the rougher edges of The Darjeeling Limited or The Life Aquatic, which also look great, so for me, if nothing else works I’m still gawking at how beautiful it is.
Bonus Surprise Mini-Review: As a treat, Wes Anderson additionally made four short films based on Roald Dahl stories that released daily on Netflix back in October and made my week. He started with The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar, which he’d been trying to make for years but hadn’t found the right angle to approach it until now. He decided to make some very theatrical short films and assembled a small acting troupe of Benedict Cumberbatch, Dev Patel, Sir Ben Kingsley, Ralph Fiennes, Rupert Friend, and Richard Ayoade, and cast them in various multiple roles throughout the four shorts. Henry Sugar concerns a rich arrogant man (Cumberbatch) trying to learn mystical abilities so he can cheat at cards, and, like the following shorts as well, it’s narrated primarily by Roald Dahl (Fiennes). The second short, The Swan, tells a partially true story of a boy who was horrendously bullied. The third short, The Ratcatcher, is about two men (Ayoade and Friend) and their encounters with a somewhat dubious “rodent specialist” (Fiennes again). And the fourth short, Poison, is a really tense story about a man stuck in bed with a deadly snake on his chest (Cumberbatch) and his friend (Patel) and the Doctor (Kingsley) that try to save him. They’re all really good and told in really interesting ways. Anderson chose to not have some props and have actors mime them instead and often the scene and set will change in camera. Sometimes actors will change costume in front of you with the help of assistants (Sometimes Cumberbatch) and it all amounts to a fun and insane experience that is unlike anything else people are making now. He also really captured Dahl’s unique voice by keeping pretty much all of the prose intact. Oftentimes actors will pause mid-monologue to turn to the camera and interject “I said” or other random bits of narration and exposition. It’s really fun. Also, Anderson could have edited all of these into a feature length package and released it like that, but he didn’t, and I think that’s really interesting and probably the right move. These wouldn’t edit together as one seamless whole as much as something like The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (Great as well) so it’s good they did the daily release instead.

3. American Fiction
The top three movies in this list are so different from the rest of it, and most of what I watch and review in general. These are the movies that the Oscars deemed excellent as well, so you know they’re actually good. Ha ha ha. Anyway, this is a great movie about the publishing industry and the societal need to group a people or race under one narrative that fits all, and the ways that life and family can get in the way of you telling the stories you want to tell. And how even if you manage to get the story you wanted out there, or in this movie’s instance, boring historical dissertation(?), there’s no guarantee that you’ll reach an audience anymore. I’m a big fan of Jeffrey Wright, and this movie is tailored to him in the best way. He nailed this character, who, by the way, sucks. The main character of this movie is an unlikable mean scholar that resents everyone for not seeing things the way he does, and he’s been doomed to end up in this stage of his life from day one, purely because of the family he was born into. This movie is billed as a comedy and the trailer makes it seem like it’ll go broader than it does, but it is not that, which I think is brilliant. I have yet to read the book this was based on, but I thoroughly appreciated how real and raw and uncomfortable and beautiful this movie was in the simplicity of its storytelling. Monk is a jerk and in the end he gets his wish but still has to compromise and doesn’t truly end up happy, because that isn’t how that works. And they make fun of generic endings in the process. This is a great movie. I loved it so much. But I also would not recommend it to most people, because not everybody wants to see a movie that alternates on and off between light comedy about the publishing industry and very real scenes that make you feel like you’re getting punched in the gut.

2. Anatomy Of A Fall
Speaking of feeling like you’re getting punched in the gut… I don’t really know what to say about this one. A man falls off his balcony and dies. His body is discovered by his son, a little boy who’s mostly blind, and his son’s dog Snoop who is the best dog that has ever existed. The boy’s mother is immediately placed under scrutiny by her friends and the media. And she has to go to trial and prove to a room full of complete strangers who know nothing about her life that she did not kill her husband. What follows is a tense and beautifully shot and written movie that delves into and breaks down the psyche of a woman in a bad relationship whose life has gone astray. Did she kill her husband or not? I won’t say. But more importantly, this movie is incredible because by the end, I at least didn’t care. Sandra Hüller, the lead actress, plays such a real and amazing character that I just wanted her to go free, even if she did push him. This isn’t a “Whodunnit” or “What really happened” movie, it instead breaks down a trial piece by piece until you realize that nobody in that room or even you are coming at this with an impartial perspective, and there is an infinite multitude of complexities and details to this particular relationship that nobody could ever consider or understand. It leaves you questioning why the trial happened to begin with, because they can’t truly know if she did anything or not, and eventually it becomes clear that their relationship is on trial, not her. God. It’s incredible.

1. Past Lives
When I finished this movie I just rewound it and watched it again. I didn’t cry because I barely do when watching movies (Except for when I sobbed through the back third of Endgame or the last scene of We Bought A Zoo) but I came as close as I could. This is a movie about longing and a relationship that could have been but never comes to fruition. It’s about two people who love each other and are soulmates, but also have lives of their own that they want and need to live. It’s just really beautiful because so much of the narrative and plot comes from the things that aren’t said. The score weaves in and out when necessary instead of blaring through to tell you how you should feel scene to scene. This is an incredible movie that really relies on the actors. There are so many scenes where the two leads just sit and look at each other and say nothing and you can see in their faces exactly what is going on and exactly what they want to say but can’t. I wouldn’t normally review this or American Fiction or Anatomy of a Fall, but these are the kinds of movies I’m starting to fall in love with. Also I know the way the Oscar’s work and I’m pretty sure they’re going to give Oppenheimer Best Picture purely because it’s the safest way to not get yelled at by the most people, which is how they try to do things now. Which is fair, it’s a great movie, but if you ask me it should go to this or Anatomy. Or The Holdovers, a movie I equally loved but won’t be reviewing just because.

Paul Rudd’s Weird Year
I’ve reviewed everything he was in this year as it’s come out so this doesn’t deserve its own post, but I will give a very brief and quick ranking of his 2023. You’d think he’d had a bad year because he was in one of the lowest grossing superhero movies of all time, but of course he hasn’t. He’s Paul Rudd. He guest starred in a TV show with his comedy icons and did a fun animated movie with his friend. Let’s talk about it below!

4. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. For what this movie is, it’s not terrible. It should be so much more than it is. I’ve rewatched it. I don’t mind it. But if Peyton Reed wanted the last movie to be more sci-fi oriented on a bigger scale, he needed to make sure the script was solid and in keeping with the last two and not lose sight of what made them good. And whether it was due to studio interference or lack thereof or just the fact that Paul Rudd didn’t get to add his weird quips to the script (Credited writer for the first two movies, which is why they’re funny and have a good hang out vibe.) or more likely the lack of Michael Peña, this didn’t work like the last two. I’ve said it needed to remain grounded to begin with, but that’s not necessarily true, it just needed to still feel like a fun Ant-Man movie and not a boring sci-fi that doesn’t look that good. I’ve said before what I think the plot should have been. You get it by now. It’s not that bad but it sucks.

3. What If…? Season 2, Episode 8: “What If… The Avengers Assembled in 1602?”
I liked this season overall more than the last and I thought this one was really fun. Sure, they didn’t say anything to Neil Gaiman before they adapted his comic book Marvel 1602, and you’d think they’d want him to write this episode. But I don’t remember loving that comic, and the only thing they took from that was the setting and the main story conceit. In the original comic, there are just weird medieval versions of Marvel heroes living in the past, but they aren’t there because someone showed up from the future and broke time (Is that how they explained it in the episode?), they’ve always been there, and Steve Rogers shows up from the future, rather than freezing and waking up years later. And that ended up being the twist here as well, which became obvious as soon as I see a version of Steve Rogers show up in this episode. Initially I assumed they wouldn’t do that since Peggy was there and that’s already one Captain style character showing up from the future, but they twisted the narrative so she could lose another Steve. So the plot is weird and contrived, but if you want a fun medieval version of the Marvel characters, this is for you. I liked the worldbuilding and the fact that Thor has an army of Yellowjackets. Wait, this is about Paul Rudd! Oh yeah. He kind of gets lost in the shuffle in this one and banters with Sebastian Stan. I preferred his performance as “Ant-Man but he’s just a head” from last season.

2. Only Murders In The Building Season Three
I talked A LOT about this one already. I like this show and this might be my favorite season. I always want more Paul Rudd in things and I think they could have let him spin his wheels a bit more. The best scenes in this season are when they let him actually play Ben Glenroy as a real character and not just a hacky vehicle for Hollywood jokes and making fun of himself. Which is not to say I didn’t love all the deep-cut jokes and references about his long career (I’m looking at you, production assistant who had to make a Bar Mitzvah DJ action figure.) scattered throughout his apartment. And that’s more an issue of the writers not picking a lane for that character. I’m excited for season four and how that last twist with Jane Lynch will come into play. It sounds like Meryl Streep is coming back for at least an episode, though I was positive she wouldn’t, and part of the season will be set in LA. Also Molly Shannon will be in it, which is wonderful news. So yeah. Good show. I’m hoping for a Charles-centric season four.

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
This is a great movie. When Seth Rogen writes movies about teenagers, great things happen. Specifically great movies happen. Two great movies that are very very different in comedy and tone. The closest this movie comes to the gross-out body humor and constant dick jokes of Superbad is whenever Splinter mentions that he’s worried his turtle boys will be milked. But yeah, every part of this movie works for me. The soundtrack, the cast, (Ayo Edebiri killed it this year between this, Theater Camp, Bottoms, and The Bear. And that’s when she wasn’t randomly cameoing in Across the Spider-Verse, Abbott Elementary and Black Mirror. You’re an amazing and extremely talented person, Ayo, and it’s probably for the best you couldn’t be in Thunderbolts due to scheduling conflicts. Anyway, everybody should watch The Bear. Well, not everyone, it’s very depressing.) the animation that looks like a SKETCHBOOK BROUGHT TO LIFE, aaaaand I forgot I was supposed to be talking about Paul Rudd again. I might go rewatch this too. I haven’t read any TMNT comics, so I’m not to know if Paul nailed the character of Mondo Gecko or not, but he’s really funny in this, as everyone is. Obviously his shining moment comes during the car chase set to “What’s Up”. Yeah, I need to rewatch this now. The moral to this blog post is that my favorite movies and shows are the ones where funny clever people get together to make each other laugh and tell stories they would want to see.

John’s Rundown of TV He Watched In 2023
I mean I’m really just gonna talk about Poker Face, but I called it a rundown because I binged all of Barry in the leadup to season four and then sat in agony and awe for multiple weeks in a row watching Bill Hader systematically break down and destroy each of the characters. It was wonderful television, and I enjoyed every second of it. I love a good dark comedy and season four of Barry is so incredibly dark. Is there anyone else reading this who’s seen Barry? It’s incredible. The scene with the sand, the time jump, the finale. So yeah, that was great. But also Poker Face came out.
A lot of people have seen Poker Face now, but it’s on Peacock and not everyone knows about it. It’s really good. It’s right up my alley. Charlie Cale (Natasha Lyonne) drives around America in a cool car solving mysteries and hassling famous guest stars with her ability to know when someone is lying. It’s a classic detective TV show in the vein of Columbo, and it looks fantastic and the writing is great. It’s a funny and fantastic TV show, I say! And nobody should be surprised, this is the creation of Rian Johnson, who revitalized the whodunnit with Knives Out. Each episode brings with it a fun new setting and intriguing mystery. And like Columbo, we get to see the murder take place before jumping back in time to reveal how Charlie Cale was connected to either the victim or the killer, and then watch as she solves how they did it. But most importantly, all of the characters are interesting, and sometimes the killer is likeable and complex. Sometimes Benjamin Bratt shows up and menacingly speaks the lyrics of Blues Traveler songs at Charlie in a weirdly erotic way. It’s just really good. Watch it.

Whew! Well, that was my breakdown of 2023. It took me so long to finish that 2024 is almost over now. Heh heh. Well, I hope you enjoyed this. If you’re interested in fun weird random stories, stay tuned, because I’m gonna be putting more posts out soon. And if you want to hear someone talk shit about Madame Web, Sony’s latest unmitigated disaster, stay tuned. Thanks for reading!