I’m so damn eager to tell you all about this new take on Marvel’s first family, but as always, it’s no spoilers and then I pad a bit, and then I spoil it a whole bunch. Though I will say there’s a major plot detail that was revealed in TV spots the week before the film came out that I’ll discuss in non-spoilers. So let’s get into it.

The Fantastic Four: First Steps stars Pedro Pascal, Vanessa Kirby, Joseph Quinn, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Julia Garner, Ralph Ineson, Sarah Niles, Paul Walter Hauser, and Natasha Lyonne. It was directed by Matt Shakman and written by Eric Pearson, Ian Springer, Peter Cameron, Josh Friedman, and Jeff Kaplan.

Quick Plot Rundown –
Four years ago in an alternate universe to the one we’re used to watching, four astronauts went up into space to explore the unknown. They were bombarded by cosmic rays and gained spectacular superpowers. Now they fight for good and protect the denizens of their old-fashioned 60’s style world. They’re beloved by all, and they’ve transformed the world through science and diplomacy.
At the start of the film Reed Richards and Sue Storm learn they have a baby coming, after years of trying and failing. It completely changes the way they live. Reed enlists H.E.R.B.I.E. the robot assistant to baby-proof the Baxter Building, where they live, while he shuts down the criminal careers of the Puppet Master, Diablo, the Wizard, and the Mad Ghost. All villains from the Fantastic Four’s rogues gallery, but none of whom we see, and I’ll get to that. So Reed baby-proofs the world.
Around this time a mysterious silver woman appears on Earth calling herself the Silver Surfer and warns that a planet eating being known as Galactus is on its way to eat Earth. Nom nom nom. So Reed and the team head into space to confront Galactus and hopefully defeat him. It doesn’t go well. Galactus wants Sue and Reed to give him their baby and they say no. And then they go back to Earth and tell everyone they’re not going to do that, and everyone on Earth is upset because they think they’re more important than this fresh baby.
So the Fantastic Four have to use their wits and abilities and beautiful costumes to figure out a way to stop Galactus from eating their planet or taking their baby. Do they do it? You’ll have to read on to find out. Or watch the movie. Or Google it. It doesn’t really matter, you already clicked on my review.

General Non-Spoilery Thoughts –
This is a good old time. I enjoyed it enough on the first watch and even more on the second. It’s not Superman, even though there are a staggering amount of similarities in plot and structure. That’s okay obviously, things can and should be different from one another. Many of my issues with this movie come from what it isn’t. The scenes that were cut out, the dynamics that weren’t explored further, the worry that we won’t come back to this world in this way in the future.
But the core of it is really good. Everyone’s well-cast and brings their all. The look and feel of this world is spectacular. I loved the designs and the sets and the vibe. This is nothing if not a vibes film. And it really leans into an Incredibles aesthetic. It’s funny to me when people say “It’s like a live action Incredibles” when Incredibles was a different take on a Fantastic Four style family.
Anyway. It’s not revolutionary. But it’s fun. Yeah.

Characters –
Reed Richards AKA Mr. Fantastic – Pedro Pascal
Fantastic! Just like with Superman and Lois Lane, there are a lot of particular nuances with this kind of performance that you need to nail. This goes for every member of the team. Reed is cold and calculating in a scientific way, but in the best of times he’s never too much of an asshole, and you have to buy his relationship with Sue or none of it works. This isn’t all deeply explored but there’s traces of it throughout.
I like Pedro Pascal. I never would’ve thought of him for Reed but he’s great. And he’s very attractive, which isn’t necessary for Reed but it is true. The stretching looks pretty good too. I’m trying to think of specific details of his performance to bring up. He’s very science-minded, and his pragmatic outlook makes him miss the simple things. There’s a good moment where Reed builds a crib and he doesn’t get why there’s two extra screws in the box. He’s one of the smartest men on Earth but he doesn’t get that these kits give you extra pieces. Good stuff.
Also there’s a bit where Galactus stretches Reed really far like a Stretch Armstrong and that’s real fun. I thought he would slingshot him but he had just thrown the Thing into space and maybe he thought that would be derivative.

Sue Storm AKA The Invisible Woman – Vanessa Kirby
Incredible! She is essentially the star of the film. Vanessa Kirby is awesome. I’m a big fan. Even if the rest of the cast were bad it wouldn’t matter because she’s just brought Sue Storm to life. Gone are the days of the 2006 “Take your clothes off and turn invisible” Jessica Alba Sue Storm. She’s smart and commanding, she’s mended fences across the globe politically, and she’s very powerful. Also, and this is not related to her performance, I like very much the way they show her powers as having a bit of a spectrum bending shimmer to them. Midway through the movie she goes into space while pregnant and it’s never once questioned. I loved that. She’s so cool.

Ben Grimm AKA The Thing – Ebon Moss-Bachrach
The Thing is my favorite member of the Fantastic Four and one of my favorite superheroes overall, probably in the top ten. He’s a tragic character, but also fun because eventually he accepts who he is and learns to enjoy it. The best part of the 2006 film was Michael Chiklis’s performance and fairly accurate portrayal of Ben Grimm. Ebon is in theory as good as that, but he is the character who gets the least to do throughout the whole piece. I like him though. He is the rock of the family. His design is great. And while his voice isn’t gravelly, I think it works.

Johnny Storm AKA The Human Torch – Joseph Quinn
Best Johnny Storm. My friend Owen doesn’t like his haircut but I don’t mind it. I like this version of Johnny. You need to give him something to do, and in this he just wants to be involved and included. He wants Reed to not just completely disregard him. He wants to be taken seriously. And that works. The other thing he does I’ll talk about in spoilers.

Shalla-Bal AKA Silver Surfer – Julia Garner
I like the Silver Surfer as a character. And Julia Garner’s a good actress. She’s not given much to do in this but she’s quite good. I’m gonna spoil her backstory really quick because it’s the same backstory the Silver Surfer always has. She became the Herald of Galactus to protect her world and make sure her daughter wasn’t killed. So she’s real sad. Yeah. The issue with this movie is that the characters are just here and there’s not a lot done to make you invest in them or learn more about them beyond the general likability of the actors.

Galactus – Ralph Ineson
Good! Galactus is finally a big purple man. Yay. Ralph Ineson is great, he’s got the most insane voice in the world. He really committed to the role even though he only has like three different scenes in the movie. He is meant to be enigmatic though so I get it. The performance is good. As with all these characters, there’s more design and worldbuilding stuff to discuss than what they add to the plot, because he’s just there. The filmmakers had a dilemma. How do you have a giant purple man who eats planets not look silly? You have his ship destroy the planet and feed it to him through the tubes he’s connected to. Good stuff.

Harvey Elder AKA Mole Man – Paul Walter Hauser
Good but barely in it. There was a prequel comic where Sue Storm brokers peace between Mole Man’s land Subterranea (The underground where the mole people live) and New York, so he’s an ally when we meet him. And he’s just a dick to everyone on the team except for Sue, which is also a very Namor trait. I like Paul Walter Hauser. I just saw The Naked Gun and he’s very good in that too. Put him in more things and give him more to do.

Rachel Rozman – Natasha Lyonne
It’s a crime that this woman gets exactly four scenes, two of which where she says nothing that last five seconds. She is one of the best actresses currently working. She’s so good. I love Poker Face. Why cut her stuff out of this? And if there weren’t more scenes with her cut out, why didn’t you film more?!?! Basically she’s a schoolteacher and the Thing likes her and they might romance but we don’t get to see them romance. Also she’s Jewish and so is the Thing, which is from the comics and I’m glad they added that. I wanted her to be Alicia Masters and not some new throwaway character but if they were going to barely use her I’m glad we haven’t seen Alicia yet. Even though Alicia is also a redhead so this is a weird choice.

Score/Soundtrack –
SO FUCKING GOOD! Regardless of how good this film is, and it’s pretty good, the score is so fucking incredible. I loved it so much. Michael Giacchino brings it as hard as he always does, and I was so happy to hear his excellent stuff throughout. This may be his best work. And that says a lot. He scored The Incredibles, (A great score) The Batman, and Up, particularly that one song that breaks everyone emotionally. But man, this is so good, and this movie doesn’t deserve it. Few films do. It’s operatic and layered and fascinating. There’s a great choir element to it. Just listen to it. There are few iconic superhero movie scores anymore, and this is instantly one of them. Damn.

Get out if you haven’t seen it!

Cuz it’s spoiler time!

If you don’t care, then I guess you can stay.

But I would care.

Which is why this is here.

This weird bit I do.

Ever feel like you’re accomplishing nothing in life?

Like you should be doing something other than review movies?

Maybe it’s just me having a crisis while I write this review.

This has nothing to do with the Fantastic Four.

Let’s move on.

The Fantastic Four: First Steps Spoiler Review
So Galactus wants Franklin Richards for himself because Franklin is the most powerful baby in the known universe and Galactus is sick of Galactusing and wants Franklin to take over for him. Sue doesn’t like that idea. And Galactus induces Sue’s labor while they’re on his ship so she has to give birth while they’re flying in their spaceship away from the Silver Surfer and by a black hole.
When they get back to Earth they try to build bridges that teleport the Earth into a different galaxy away from Galactus so it’ll take forever for him to get there, which doesn’t work because the Silver surfer destroys all their teleport stuff except for the one in New York because Johnny has learned the Silver Surfer’s language out of curiosity, the need to be included, and a hint of horniness. He uses this language to tell the Silver Surfer he knows who she is and it’s fucked that she’s picked all these planets for Galactus to eat. So she flies away.
Reed realizes it would just be easier to teleport Galactus and strand him without his ship. So they plan for that and evacuate New York with the help of Mole Man. Everyone goes down to Subterranea, which feels counter-intuitive. I don’t think 60’s era New York’s infrastructure is solid enough to not collapse under the weight of a cosmic God. The Fantastic Four, they try to get Galactus to the bridge to teleport him by using Franklin as bait, and the fight goes pretty bad for them but they succeed. Mostly because Sue Storm uses her powers and the love of her son to push Galactus all the way there. And in the process, she dies. But Franklin is a God too so he brings her back to life. And yay! Galactus is gone, and Silver Surfer sacrificed herself to help, and the world is safe. No reason for this Earth and this universe to ever go anywhere, even though I thought they might.

Is this (Finally) a good Fantastic Four movie?
Yes, absolutely. It’s easily the best Fantastic Four movie unless you count The Incredibles as an FF movie, then it’s the second best Fantastic Four movie. But it’s also the second best Incredibles movie. There’s bits missing I would have liked. And I’ll be so fucking bummed if this world and this universe get left behind when there’s a soft reboot after Secret Wars. I find this universe so much more interesting, and it has none of the baggage.

Does this set anything up for the future of the MCU?
Only one thing, because it’s pretty insular, you don’t need to do any homework to watch this. At the end in the mid credits scene Doctor Doom shows up to kidnap Franklin or talk to him or something. I imagine the conversation will be something like “Hi little boy, would you like to create a new world for me where I’m the king and every actor who’s ever played a Marvel superhero shows up and acts out the comic book Secret Wars but not the bad one that was designed to sell action figures, the one from 2015? I’m Robert Downey Jr, and I could’ve been in Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey but instead I came back to Marvel so I could have enough money to buy a planet.” Something along those lines.

More Thoughts
None of these thoughts are spoilery really, I just need to say this stuff. It looks fucking great. I think I said that already but I would like this 50% less if it wasn’t so tactile and aesthetically pleasing. All the old TV’s and men in fedoras and beautiful sets. That’s point number one.
Point number two is the little details that make this film. Like how Johnny calls H.E.R.B.I.E. Herbert and scratches the top of his head. And how Johnny and Ben have that antagonistic relationship where they mess with each other, but it’s more loving. They truly care for each other because they basically are brothers.
I love the way that Reed and Sue talk to each other that shows they deeply love each other but they have some problems. Namely that Reed is way too practical and emotionless sometimes and he’s a dad now and that doesn’t help. They have a particular argument that I enjoyed a lot. It didn’t feel as real as the argument Lois and Clark have in Superman. I know this isn’t the Superman review but it’s so funny watching that movie because nobody’s named Lois or Clark anymore. We all have symbols and equations for names like Elon’s kid. Sigh.
Oh, and finally. H.E.R.B.I.E. I love H.E.R.B.I.E. so much. Ideally he would have a British voice or a robot voice instead of bleeps and bloops, like in the comics. One of my favorite comic books of all time, which I may have mentioned in the Top Ten post, was Franklin Richards, Son of a Genius, in which H.E.R.B.I.E. is essentially his babysitter. H.E.R.B.I.E. is so great. He potters about and babyproofs and his face is a reel to reel tape recorder with a tape for Earth and a tape for space. Fuck yeah. Alright, I don’t have much more to say.
Oh actually, the Earth sides with the Fantastic Four pretty quick. It’s a more simplified world and a different time, but everyone loves them, and that’s the most unrealistic aspect of this film. Just like with Superman, it’s unrealistic that Michael Ian Black’s character would admit fault and everyone would just accept that Lex lied and he would go to jail. These aren’t downsides of the films of course, it’s just depressing because people in real life suck a whole lot more. Real bummer.

Negatives
I’ve got three, one I already mentioned. Not enough extra character stuff. Superman did more with what little time each character had, which is odd because that film was shorter I think and it had more characters. John Malkovich got cut out entirely even though he’s one of the greatest actors in the world and that’s fucked up, man. I get they needed to spend more time on other stuff but they cast Malkovich as the Red Ghost, the Russian telepathic crazy scientist who’s translucent and has ape henchmen. One of the apes does show up, but the Red Ghost does not.
And he got cut out but I still had to spend time watching the greasy-looking bad actor and bad writer who I do not like, Mark Gatiss. I’m sure he’s a nice guy. He’s not good to watch and he wrote the worst Doctor Who episodes. Also Sarah Niles from Ted Lasso is here as Sue’s friend and the PR lady for the Fantastic Four, and I think she must have had some plotline in the original script because there’s a lot of cutaway shots of her watching Sue’s speech on TV. Because Sue gives this nice speech about how everyone on Earth is their family and she’ll protect them all to the end. And I think she was meant to do something more but she didn’t. Hmm.
Superman was great and fun and it gave me hope. And I think in theory this does too but I’m held back because Marvel has lost my trust. They’ve made too many movies jumbled together last minute with bad effects and half-baked scripts, and I want to be invested in this world and this iteration of these characters but I can’t even have faith they’ll exist after Secret Wars. The team will be there surely. But I want this world. Ugh. Fuck you, Feige.

Overall Rating – 7.8/10 (Cautious optimism. I wish I could enjoy this film based on what it is and not what other films will mean, or how it compares to a somewhat similar movie that came out two weeks before and was better in many ways. I’ve tried my best. It’s a good movie though.)
Rudd Rating – Negative 10/10 (I know there’s no superheroes from the main universe in this, but why not throw a 60’s Scott Lang in the mix?!)

Thank you, dear reader, for readering my review! Next time: Flying Nun recaps probably, I’m working on it. And other stuff. This is the last superhero movie this year so the next movie review you’re getting is whatever Ruddtrospective I do next. Anyway, bye!