Spoilers for everything in this ranking. Obviously. It would be really stupid of you to read this if you had any interest in watching any of these but haven’t yet. We were originally going to get three more superhero movies this year, but Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse got delayed and Warner Brothers lost all of their money out of stupidity and couldn’t afford to release Shazam: Fury of the Gods this year. They also delayed The Flash because of reshoots and the fact that the lead of that movie is a horrible human being who does nothing but spread negativity. So let’s talk nerd stuff, everybody! Yay…
16. Morbius
Way back in April when Morbius came out I released an incredibly glowing review even though it was so obviously a shit film. I’m pretty sure I even went out of my way to say that I was being sincere even though I released my review on April Fools’ Day. Anyway, yeah, this movie is fucking terrible. Jared Leto gives such a bland and nothing performance. The script is so unbelievably generic. Before I’d seen any of the trailers for this movie, I thought to myself “He’ll probably have a friend or rival with the same disease as him and the friend will ask for Morbius to cure him and give him Morbius powers and Morbius will be all like nah man you don’t want to be a Morbius, but the friend will figure out how to give himself powers anyway and the two of them will fight and you won’t be able to tell who’s who and it’ll be bad.” And then in one of the trailers there’s a shot of Matt Smith and Jared Leto limping in pain together and talking about how they knew each other since they were kids and I was immediately proved right. I don’t have much else to say. It’s just such a terrible movie and it gets worse the more you think about it. I knew it was going to be bad and I’m glad it didn’t do well because I despise Jared Leto as a person and I love watching him fail. Boo to this movie. Generic and terrible and boo.
15. Black Adam
I already wrote a genuine review of this movie. It sucks! It’s so bad and the more I think about it the more I wish Dwayne Johnson had played literally any other superhero or villain because he isn’t even that good as Black Adam. Also he kept going around telling people that he loved the character of Black Adam since he was a kid. No he didn’t. Nobody his age loved Black Adam when they were a kid because he was a nothing character until like twenty years ago. He was just a guy with short black hair that would beat up Shazam every once in a while. He’s just saying that because he wants to change the narrative and make people forget that he petitioned to be Lobo and John Stewart before he was cast as Black Adam. He kept teasing that he was going to be John Stewart and beat the crap out of Superman. That isn’t the point of that character. It also isn’t the point of Black Adam. He apparently agreed to play Black Adam so he could have his own corner of DC that was centered around him. He wanted a Black Adam universe. NOBODY CARES THAT MUCH ABOUT BLACK ADAM, THE ROCK! And he also turned down the opportunity to cameo in Shazam! Fury of the Gods. THAT IS LITERALLY THE MOVIE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN. THAT CHARACTER WAS CREATED TO FIGHT SHAZAM. IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE PLAYED LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE OR MAYBE MADE A GOOD, WELL-WRITTEN MOVIE WITH INTERESTING CHARACTERS INSTEAD OF THE SHITTY, GENERIC MOVIE THAT YOU MADE, THE ROCK. I don’t know why this movie angers me so. God this movie sucks.
14. DC League of Super-Pets
Goddamnit, I have to keep talking about the Rock. As a kids movie, this is perfectly fine. As a DC movie I didn’t like this at all. But Diego Luna and Natasha Lyonne are both really funny in this. That’s really all I have to say. I wish I hadn’t watched it because it was a waste of time. Also Kevin Hart is annoying.
13. Moon Knight
I mean… fine? As a TV show on it’s own I enjoyed a good 75% of this. As a TV show about the comic book character Moon Knight, it was really bad because they didn’t really do a good job adapting this character because they changed so much in a not great way, I thought. I like reading Moon Knight comics because he’s basically just Batman with multiple personalities and he’s always kung-fuing through the streets of New York and beating the shit out of hordes of vampires and werewolves and stuff. And the more I think about it, the more I remember the things I enjoyed about this show. But also I would’ve rather they adapt some good Moon Knight comics instead of making a weird Indiana Jones homage.
12. Ms. Marvel
I didn’t like the effects of her powers or the villain or the fourth and fifth episodes. I also don’t like that the actor that played the dad was accused of sexual assault because that’s gross and boo. But I thought this was fun and the first two episodes in particular were visually fun and different from most MCU shows and movies. All the characters were well-cast too, except for the dad. I don’t have much else to say about it. It was pretty good. And I enjoyed it more than Obi-Wan Kenobi, which was coming out at the same time.
11. Peacemaker
This came out so long ago. I liked this. That’s it. I didn’t dislike it and I didn’t love it. I remember John Cena being funny. Oh, you know what the best part of this show was? The opening title sequence. Fantastic. If you haven’t seen the title sequence, you should look it up. Really ridiculous and fun. But also big boo because Ezra Miller was in it and they are also the worst.
10. The Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special
I didn’t expect to enjoy this because Drax and Mantis are the main characters and they have consistently been annoying characters that I didn’t like watching in the past. It was pretty fun though. I hate Chris Pratt. But he’s not in this that much. So good. Yeah, it was fun. You see, it’s harder to talk about these movies and shows in the middle of the list because I didn’t hate or love any of these things. I don’t know if I mentioned this before but I hate Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and this was way better.
9. Thor: Love and Thunder
This is one of two things on this list that everyone on the internet has decided is the worst thing ever and I get why people hate it but I thought this movie was fun. Yes, some of the CGI was bad. Yes, the story isn’t great and the villain was underused. Yes, Korg wasn’t funny in this and I disliked him. But it was fun. So I don’t really care. I still don’t understand why there are so many Guns and Roses songs and references. That didn’t make sense to me the first time I watched it. But yeah. It was a fun enough movie and I don’t care that everyone else hates it. I would rather watch this movie a hundred times than ever watch Black Adam again.
8. Umbrella Academy Season Three
This is a really fun show, but I personally think this might be my least favorite season. I watched it all in one day, to be fair, but I did that with the last two seasons too. I really don’t have anything to say about The Umbrella Academy. I’m including it only because it’s a superhero show and there’s another similarish show I want to gush about later. Also I think they handled Elliot Page’s transition well. It’s a good show and the soundtrack is always excellent.
7. Werewolf By Night
I know next to nothing about this side of Marvel when it comes to the comics. I’ve never really read anything with Werewolf By Night or Elsa Bloodstone in it other than event comics maybe. I know way too much about Marvel and DC, but the supernatural side of things has always been outside my purview. I really, really enjoyed this though. I love the concept of a bunch of monster hunters gathered together to defeat the ultimate monster. I loved the Man-Thing design and I’m surprised that they were able to pull it off and that these characters are reaching wider audiences. I mean, come on, normal people should not know who any of these characters are. But yeah, this was really good and I’m glad they’re doing these specials. Congratulations to Michael Giacchino on composing great scores for The Batman and this, while also directing this at the same time. He’s an insanely talented man.
6. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
I reviewed this one already. It’s a good movie that I probably won’t watch again for a while, even though I pride myself on the fact that I’ve seen all the movies at least twice. A depressing achievement, I know. I liked this movie but it’s long and sad. All the performances are good and Namor especially is awesome. I don’t have much else to say. It really sucks that Chadwick Boseman died.
5. The Sandman
I tried reading these comics a long time ago but I’ve never been able to get into them even though I like Neil Gaiman. Have you seen or read Good Omens? Both versions are great. Anyway, this is a good show. Everyone was well cast. It was presumably a good representation of the various issues of the comic that I’d heard about vaguely before watching the show. I really, really enjoyed this show. It’s weird and nonsensical and menacing in a way that only comic books can be, and I thought they did a good job. The most interesting aspect of this show for me though was seeing what elements of DC lore and characters made their way to the screen. Because the comic book The Sandman was originally published by DC proper, though they later became the centerpiece of a separate imprint they had created called Vertigo, which they used to publish their weirder, more left-of-center comics that didn’t fit in as well with the rest of the DC comics. So the first few volumes of The Sandman were heavily connected to DC, but it became it’s own separate thing after a little while. So the show is kind of weird. It’s produced by Warner Brothers, who owns the film and TV rights to all the DC characters, but it is not a DC show. There’s an episode in which a man enters a diner and slowly drives the other patrons inside the diner insane using stolen magical abilities. In the comics this is Doctor Destiny, a DC villain who manipulates dreams. In this it’s a different guy. But parts of DC remain. There is a woman named Joanna Constantine in this, who in the comics is related to John Constantine. There’s references to classic DC villains Pied Piper and Captain Cold, and a version of Hector Hall exists in this universe, who in the comics is the son of Hawkman. I know this is all boring stuff, but I enjoy seeing which elements they change and which stay the same. If you have not watched this, I would highly recommend it, based purely on Boyd Holbrook’s performance as the Corinthian. He’s very, very good.
4. She-Hulk: Attorney at Law
Overall The Sandman is probably a better show than She-Hulk, but I liked She-Hulk more because they went out of their way to feature some smaller, lesser known and more ridiculous Marvel characters. I love She-Hulk as a character. I always have. I think the idea of a seven foot tall green woman representing equally ridiculous comic book characters in court is fantastic. I liked this show a lot and I wish the internet hadn’t just blindly written it off as the worst Marvel thing ever. Because it isn’t. I really enjoyed both the Wong and Daredevil episodes especially. Which I’m sure surprises nobody, since I’ve repeatedly written about my love for both of these characters. It’s also just cool to see Wong become such a beloved character. Because when he was created in the sixties, Wong was really just meant to be Doctor Strange’s loyal and mostly silent racially stereotypical manservant. Now he’s the Sorcerer Supreme and one of my favorite Marvel characters to see pop up. That’s mostly due to Benedict Wong’s charisma as an actor though. And of course I loved the Daredevil episode. I fucking love Daredevil. I love the character, I love Charlie Cox, I love the TV show Daredevil. I know that this show got terrible views and to the outside observer who didn’t watch She-Hulk based on said reviews, it probably seems like I’m just saying I liked this because it’s a Marvel thing and I blindly love everything Marvel related. But that’s obviously not true. The show wasn’t perfect, but it was really fun overall. And again, Daredevil is the best. It’s awesome that they gave him the red and yellow costume that he had when he first debuted in the comics even though he only had it for like thirteen issues and most people don’t like that costume. I love that they made Daredevil more fun and quippy like he is in the comics and had him fight a ridiculous villain. It was so good!!! Also Tatiana Maslany was excellent as She-Hulk. Good show.
3. The Boys Season Three
The Boys is probably my favorite superhero related thing currently being released, but I put it at number three because it’s longer than the things I ranked above it. I mean, of course it’s longer. It’s a TV show. But time matters. If someone released an excellent superhero movie that was five minutes long, I’d be ecstatic. But yeah, The Boys is absolutely fantastic. For those of you who don’t know, The Boys is about a group of non-powered individuals fighting against the inept and horrible superheroes and the corporation that controls them. I binge-watched the first two seasons of this while I was working in the Boundary Waters this summer and started watching this season week-to-week. This show is so violent and fucked-up and insane and everybody is a horrible person and people are constantly dying in horrifying ways and this was by far the best season. I absolutely love this show and it’s definitely not for everybody but I love it. Again, it’s technically number one, but two and a half to three hours of movie are far preferable to ten hours of TV show.
2. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
I reviewed this movie seven years ago when it first came out, and from memory I think I was pretty lukewarm on it? I’ve seen it once since then, and I liked it way more the second time around. I don’t know. It’s weird. I’m sitting here thinking about all the aspects of this movie. What happened? How did it all look? And now that I think about it, not much happens in the movie and it didn’t look very good. People have complained about how bad Thor: Love and Thunder and She-Hulk: Attorney at Law looked, but the CGI in this is really not great in parts. A lot of the dialogue is very cliché and there is barely any Wong in this. Despite all that, I kind of love this movie. I just think it’s great. Again, I’m not sure why I love it. I wasn’t even looking forward to it. I disliked every other Sam Raimi superhero movie. It defies logic that I would like this as much as I do. I also like it just as much as the number one movie. I think the reason I love these two movies is they both feel like somebody who loves comic books took a six issue storyline from a Doctor Strange comic and a Batman comic and made them into movies. They don’t feel like a studio executive told everyone they were going to make a superhero movie and then hired some random person to throw together a script based on what they know about Marvel. This movie is ridiculous and stupid and everyone looks weird, but in the way that comic books are ridiculous and stupid and everyone looks weird. I liked this movie a lot. I’m gonna go watch it again right now.
1. The Batman
The Batman is a good movie. I waited excitedly for a very long time for this to come out and 75% of my expectations were met. In that it was good and I liked it but it wasn’t as good as I hoped it would be because my expectations were too high. But the costume was excellent, the score was excellent, the cinematography was excellent, the performances were excellent. I don’t have much else to say because I’ve said so much about it already, and also it’s Batman. Batman movies are usually either really good or bafflingly terrible.
Sorry it took so long for me to post this. I’ve had a lot going on recently and also I needed time to reevaluate my blog posts and what I want to write. I plan to post a big general 2022 movie post later this week. I’m not going to do a Ruddtrospective for the end of the year because he just cameoed in stuff and I don’t have much to say. But yeah. Thanks for waiting!
Too Many Servings Of John 