Full spoilers for this. I don’t have much to say and I don’t want to talk about this movie. It feels grossly put together and cynical and rushed and low effort so that’s what this review will be. None of the posters, none of the red spoiler text, the breaking down characters, none of it. Who cares, really? There are now three Venom movies and none of them are really that good, so the world doesn’t make any fucking sense at all right now. Yeah. Let’s do it. 250 words or less, baby. Dr. Seuss challenged himself to only use a certain amount of basic words for Green Eggs and Ham and he made billions. Maybe I’ll do the same.

Venom: The Last Dance shouldn’t exist. None of the “Sony Pictures Universe Of Marvel Movies” productions should. You can tell there was no plan for this. It was made up on the fly. It’s the worst one. Venom was generic. The PG-13 rating and lack of Spider-Man made it boring and unnecessary. Carnage is slightly better because Woody Harrelson. This is directionless. It’s just sweaty Tom Hardy and goopy CGI Tom Hardy versus wood chipper aliens. Why are the aliens there? They were sent by Knull, the symbiote god from the comics. Who is he? You don’t need to know, he’s in it for five minutes. We spend half the movie with a bland traumatized scientist and learn her backstory for no reason. Why? At the end Venom is killed and it delighted me because as the Director of this said “We were contracted to do three. We fulfilled that.” It’s done. No more. Venom’s dead and fuck him. They say Knull is coming back, that he’s the Thanos of this universe, but he’s not. If we ever see Knull or Morbius or Madame Web again, I’ll eat my shoe. Oh, and I hate that Chiwetel Ejiofor and Rhys Ifans are in this. Sony doesn’t know other actors that haven’t been in Marvel movies exist. Sony doesn’t make movies to entertain, they seek money and they don’t deserve it. This is shit. Once Kraven is out they have no more movies planned. I hope it stays that way. Booooooooooooooo.

Overall Rating: 3.5/10(Boooooooooooooo.)

There we go. The shortest, most low effort review I’ve ever written. You’re welcome, world. I feel bad posting this as it is, it feels weird and not ready. But again, I’m more like Sony this way. Sigh. Thanks for reading.