This past semester, I wrote three short stories for a writing class. I enjoyed doing it and I thought I’d share some of them on the blog. Sorry for the delay on my review of the Fast & Furious movies. I went on strike like all the other writers, and then I remembered that nobody pays me to do this. Anyway, enjoy this weird story!

Don’t Kill The Rooster

Gerald ascended the cobblestone steps to his perch on the castle wall, triggering the blinking lights beneath him as he climbed. Later, he would have to remember to thank the kind lady who installed those. It made his daily quest much easier. He gazed out at the indignant shroud of nothingness that had enveloped the sky. He narrowed his eyes and prepared, as he’d done nearly every day for six years now, to do battle with the dark. 

His claws flexed and clattered against the stone, and the few feathers that still speckled his small and unimpressive wings bristled against the rush of the cool breeze. The faint whispers of wind grew to a howling crescendo that threatened to whisk Gerald from his station and send him flying into the forest. But Gerald stood his ground. He snarled at the night and clicked his beak. 

Gerald stood on that wall for hours, alone against the darkness. It was his job to protect his domain from the beast that threatened to consume it all. Until, eventually, Gerald was no longer alone. The darkness began to flicker. Gerald grinned. Backup had arrived! At the very edge of the horizon, well past the edge of Gerald’s field of vision, the sky began to burn ferociously. The shadows began to scatter and hide, desperate to escape the flames. But it was no use. The flames grew until the darkness had fully gone and all was safe again. 

Gerald began to cheer. The raging ball of fire settled into the usual spot and pulsed slightly, as if to thank Gerald for his help. Within the castle, people began to stir. Gerald had noticed some time ago that the people in the castle usually didn’t do anything until they heard his triumphant screams. That made sense to him. How else would they know if it was safe or not? Gerald’s job was done for the day, and he was more than satisfied with his performance. He turned back toward the cobblestone steps and began to make his descent, while pondering what he should have for breakfast. Worms? Grass? Worms and grass? Now that sounded tasty. 

But before he could fully contemplate this idea, his thoughts were cut short by a large hunk of stone. He couldn’t determine where it had come from, but before he knew it he had fallen six painful feet into the unforgiving dirt below. Gerald looked all about him, trying to determine where the stone had come from or what was going on. Why was the dirt suddenly red and wet? 

His mind began to drift. Maybe he should take a quick nap before breakfast. He felt very tired all of a sudden from all the heroics he’d been doing. And there was a sharp pain in his stomach that he couldn’t identify. Wait, what was that in the distance? A small figure in a shiny metal suit scampered towards him. The figure was smiling mischievously. Ah, of course. The boy. Gerald briefly criticized himself for forgetting to avoid the boy as the darkness returned to claim the final victory. He let loose one last victory scream and closed his eyes as his lifelong ally disappeared behind the shiny visage of his adversary.

—

Madeline was enjoying her bath by the time Gerald sang his morning song. She loved baths. It was rare that she found time to enjoy them, as the main caretaker of the castle. So she bathed in the mornings. This was the only way she could enjoy her peace and relaxation without the boy finding a way to ruin it all. Soon Jeremy would wake up and she would have her hands full again, but for now, she could enjoy the cooling sensation of the water and the lack of chaos. The door swung open so suddenly that it sounded as if the wooden planks were about to snap in half. One of the servants poked her head in. 

“The child is awake, madame. It seems he ran outside in his armor and tried to kill the rooster. Gerald is in the infirmary now, getting bandaged up. The child is at breakfast.”

The servant disappeared, forgetting entirely to shut the door. Madeline glared at her hands, which were sadly not pruney. She sighed heavily and sloshed her way out of the tub to get dressed. The peace was gone. The day had begun.

Working in a cold, dreary castle in the middle of Nowhere, Europe was not where Madeline had thought her life was heading. She didn’t care much for Jeremy, who seemingly never ran out of energy and stomped throughout the castle in that stupid suit of armor at all hours of the day. Sure, it wasn’t great that his mother never left her room and his father spent most of his time at the castle in Ireland. 

Madeline hated that she worked for a man that owned a “home castle” and a “work castle”, but the money was nice. Still, taking care of the child wasn’t meant to be her responsibility. She was the caretaker of the residence, not the boy’s babysitter. Yet she constantly found herself coming up with new ways to keep him preoccupied, trying to create “quests” that satiated Jeremy’s endless imagination.

She remembered the day Jeremy’s mother, Carol, came to her and begged her to take this job. They had been friends in High School. Or, more accurately, Carol used to sell her weed under the bleachers. And then one day Carol had a one-night stand with a disturbingly rich sleazebag and wound up with a kid she didn’t want to have, sequestered in an intimidating castle full of people she didn’t know. When she saw on Facebook that Madeline was in the area on a book tour, Carol immediately jumped into one of her husband’s seventeen cars and violated many road safety laws in order to reconnect with her classmate. Madeline was happy to see her, at first. It was clear Carol had ulterior motives.

“We’ll pay you a buttload, I promise. And it’s no work at all. You’ll have plenty of time to work on your writing! I just need somebody there I know. I’m so fucking alone, Madi. I don’t know what to do anymore. Please.” 

Madeline didn’t know why she’d said yes. Perhaps it was because she felt bad for Carol. Maybe she was worried the book sales would plummet and she wanted to escape her own career before everyone else lost interest. Either way, every promise Carol made fell through, and not even Madeline’s presence at the castle could stop her from spiraling even further into a deep, desolate depression. And Madeline couldn’t leave her there alone. 

For the first year of Madeline’s employment, Carol had been somewhat responsive, and in that time the two of them had done what they could to redecorate the parts of the castle they could find. Carol’s allowance was unending, as was her husband’s lack of care as to what the castle interior looked like. This resulted in many of the corridors and rooms in the castle looking radically different from each other. It had felt like a good idea the night Carol found her old stash in a box from home, but it was now wildly unsettling to walk through a weird hodge podge of various wallpapers and carpets and tiling and rugs. Together, she and Carol had ruined the ancient and untouched beauty of one of England’s greatest castles with several drug-addled and expensive calls to Home Depot. Every day since then, when traveling from her room to the main halls, Madeline would be taken on a visually confusing journey. 

After descending the long spiral staircase that separated her room from the rest of the castle (It seemed fun at the time), Madeline walked down a long stretch of hallway that was covered floor to ceiling in a hexagonal bathroom tile that Carol really liked. She turned left and passed through the rec room, entering a second hallway lined with bookcases full of Carol’s favorite books. Madeline was always tempted to read them, but she never had the time. She navigated her way through the mirror maze and slid down the inflatable slide, finally arriving in the main hall.

The decoration party was five years ago. Since then Carol hadn’t left her room and now Madeline actually had to do her job. Between watching Jeremy and the castle upkeep, she’d had no time to even avoid writing since then. Madeline had begun to worry that growing up in such an isolated environment was negatively affecting Jeremy in some way. None of the children she used to babysit had tried to bludgeon roosters to death for fun, so this would have to be addressed.

“You can’t be a psycho just because your parents hate you.”

No, not that. Far too harsh. He was waiting for her in the aquatic-themed dining chamber(The most expensive redesign by far, and Jeremy’s favorite room), happily scarfing down waffles. He gazed at the aquarium walls around him, lovingly entranced by the fish that swam by. The gloves of his armor were covered in syrup and starting to stick to the table. Madeline knew the second that Jeremy’s father bought him that tiny knight suit that it was going to make her life more difficult in some way. The boy thought he was a prince, but in actuality, his father was just a very rich politician who would spend all the money in the world to avoid actually taking care of his child. Madeline sat down across from the boy and carefully selected a melon to fiddle with. She cleared her throat. Jeremy looked up at her.

“Hey, Madi! I fought a monster today!”He exclaimed.

“Yes. I heard.” She said, pointedly. He remained oblivious to the subtext of her words.

“Are you proud of me? I did a quest!” The boy could barely contain his glee.

“No, Jeremy.” Madeline narrowed her eyes. “You almost killed a mostly bald rooster. Lucky for you, Gerald will live.”

“That bird was annoying.” He seemed to briefly forget what he was saying before continuing. “New quest!”

“No. No new quest, Jeremy.”

“NEW QUEST!”

“There can maybe be a new quest if you stop attacking Gerald. He didn’t do anything to deserve that treatment. He’s a kind animal. I mean, I just set up those lights for him and-” The look of guilt on the boy’s face made Madeline pause. The boy was bored and didn’t know better, he was not a sociopath. “I’m sorry. You just can’t do that again, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” The guilt faded away and a big smile stretched across his face. “So what’s next?”

“Give me a minute.” She had to humor him, didn’t she? But how could she get him to really truly understand that what he did was wrong in a real, lasting way? At that moment, a memory of a recent ad in the paper popped into Madeline’s head. An idea began to form. She smiled. “Okay, Jeremy. Today your quest is to walk to the Gardens and bring me back an apple.”

“But the Gardens are so far away!” Jeremy stamped his feet.

“Roger will go with you.” She looked around. “Where is Roger?”

A long, sheet-white hand appeared on the table beside her. “I am behind you, madame.” 

“JESUS!” Madeline jumped from her chair and shot a blistering glance at the spindly giant that stood beside her. “Would you please-” She closed her eyes and breathed in for a brief moment, before returning to her thought. “Would you please stop doing that? Roger?”

Jeremy’s Butler, Roger, was a startling six feet and ten inches of bony awkwardness. He glided through the castle uncomfortably fulfilling Jeremy’s wishes and spoke in a haggard, wispy voice that was somehow slightly too loud and difficult to hear at the same time. Nobody quite knew how old he was, or where he’d come from. He always wore the expression of a man who had just been punched in the stomach. But he didn’t ask for much money, so no questions were asked. There was nothing specifically wrong with the man, except for his tendency to always be where you least suspect. 

“My apologies, madame. Where shall I stand instead?”

“Go over by Jeremy.” Madeline exhaled. Roger complied. Madeline’s pocket buzzed. She was getting a call from Anton, the castle physician. “Hello? Anton, how is he doing?”

“MADAME! I’m so sorry. We tried to restrain him, but he was determined. He’s heading your way right now,” Anton shouted, frantic and out of breath.

“Wait, what? Anton, what are you talking about?!” The line went dead. She heard a faint noise, off in the distance. She couldn’t make it out. Then she heard it again, louder. It was getting closer.

“SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!!!” Gerald burst into the room and made a beeline for Jeremy. He was covered in bandages and limping, but determined and out for blood. Roger scooped him up in his arms, and Gerald struggled to break free, squealing and pecking at the large man. 

“Gerald, please, calm down. It’s okay.” Madeline scratched the top of his head and took him from Roger. Gerald began to relax in her arms. The nice lady was back, and that took precedence over revenge.

Roger returned to Jeremy’s side while Jeremy stuck out his tongue at the injured rooster. “We shall go to the Gardens, madame?”

“Yep.” She gestured for them to leave. “And make sure you’re there by 12:30!”

—

The sun was beaming when Jeremy ventured from his beautiful kingdom to find an apple. The trees greeted their favorite warrior with open arms and swayed forward, beckoning him forth to begin his journey. Jeremy unsheathed his cardboard sword and held it aloft. He narrowed his eyes and bellowed from the very depths of his lungs.

“FORWARD, MY STEED!!!”

“Sir, the Gardens are that way.” Roger pointed to the right.

“Oh. Okay, turn that way.” Jeremy grabbed a fistful of Roger’s hair and pulled. “This is the right way?”

“Yes. Could you please stop kicking my chest, sir?” Roger asked. He looked up at the young hero perched atop his shoulders.

“Yeah, sorry. FORWARD, MY STEED!!!”

Roger burst forward with a startling speed that would have sent Jeremy’s helmet flying if he didn’t have a chinstrap. The trees blurred beside them as the butler raced the warrior to his future victory. Jeremy tried to keep his mean face on, but the wind was causing his cheeks to ripple slightly.

Soon the Champion and his steed arrived at the Gardens of Death to claim their royal prize. Jeremy quickly dismounted and crouched down. It was time to bravely sneak forth. He beckoned for his steed to do the same. His steed bowed slightly. The two then hobbled down the rocky path and through the ornate blue gate. Jeremy gazed out at the Gardens of Death, looking for his prize. He needed to find an apple tree. Where would that be? That’s a tree, but there are no apples in it. Another tree. Bush. Hedge. Bench. Trash can. Tree. Dog. Second dog. Apple tree! There, on top of a small hill. 

“That way!” The Champion scampered up the hill and quickly realized he was too short to pick any of the apples. “Steed!”

As he waited for Roger to join him, Jeremy heard some weird noises in the background. It sounded like yelling. He turned towards the noise with his sword at the ready. A few trees away from where he stood, there appeared to be a group of men wearing their own suits of armor. And they were fighting each other. With cardboard swords. Rival knights. Jeremy started walking towards them. Today was the day he would have to defend his kingdom. 

As he got closer, he saw one of the men get hit in the foot with a cardboard sword. The man started yelling, screaming. The other men surrounded him. And somehow, amidst the fray, a foot was thrown from the group and landed not far from Jeremy. The Champion looked down at the foot and began to scream.

—

The men immediately stopped what they were doing and looked at Jeremy. Roger rushed to his master’s eyes and looked out at the armored gentlemen. There were four of them. The first man on the left wore shiny golden armor and a large bushy beard. The man next to him wore rusted silver armor and had a pencil thin mustache. The two men on the right appeared to be twins. They were slightly shorter, in black leather outfits, with matching spectacles. Roger, of all people, was surprised by how odd the appearance of this group was. Jeremy clung on to Roger and looked at them with apprehension.

The man with the beard spoke up. “I’m so sorry, sir. We didn’t mean to frighten the boy. My name is Edwin, these are my friends. We’re just role-playing.” Edwin started to bow, realized that was weird, and instead knelt down like he was about to tie his shoe. His boot had no laces. He stood up again. He looked at the foot and his eyes narrowed. “Oy! Nigel!” He shouted. 

One of the spectacled twins looked at him. “Yes, Edwin?” He seemed nervous.

“What have I said about bringing out the prosthetics in public?”

Nigel looked to his brother for help. “Oliver?” Oliver shook his head. He looked back at Edwin. “No more severed limbs? Because it scares people?”

Edwin nodded ferociously and walked over to Jeremy. “Hey, lad! I like your armor. I’m sorry we scared you.”

Jeremy started to untense. “The foot is fake?”

“100% fake.” Edwin was crouching again, but in a less uncomfortable manner. “My friend just gets carried away sometimes. You see, we like to come to this park and pretend we’re adventuring, but when we want money we make incredibly realistic prosthetics-” Edwin could tell he was starting to lose Jeremy. “We make and sell fake body parts and other bloody things for various movies.”

“Really?” Jeremy let go of his lumbering protector and walked over to the foot. He picked it up and poked it. “Cool!”

Edwin sighed in relief. The child was unscarred. “Well, would you like to join us, perhaps? Help defend the kingdom? We would love to have you. Jim?”

The man with the thin mustache produced a business card and handed it to Jeremy. “We meet here every other week. We’re always looking for new members, no age requirement,” he said.

Jeremy looked first at the card and then at the four wannabe knights. “Thanks, but you’re kinda weird.” He handed the foot to Jim and returned to Roger’s side.

—

Madeline rested against the lounge room couch, exhaled and closed her eyes. The day had been hectic even after the whole rooster debacle. Between making sure the food order had gotten in, helping Carol wake up and do her exercises, and a dozen other things she’d had to worry about, her plate had been full. Finally, a moment of peace. The couch was unbelievably comfortable, too. Carol had told her that this room was an exact replica of her ex-girlfriend’s living room. 

“Props to Carol’s Ex for the furniture picks,” Madeline said to nobody but herself.

“Madame? I’m in the general vicinity.” Madeline opened her eyes to see Roger trying to look comfortable on a futon. “You wanted me to alert you, yes?”

“Yeah. Thank you. Where’s Jeremy?”

“He is up in his room,” Roger responded, pointing upward to emphasize his statement.

“How did it go at the Gardens?”

“Not overly well.” Roger tried to lower his voice, but no sound came out. So he repeated himself. “Not well. You wanted us to run into those gentlemen who were pretending to be knights, yes?”

“Yes, I saw that article in the paper the other day and I thought it would be good for him to try. Did he not enjoy it?”

“No, madame. One of the gentlemen pretended his foot had been cut off, and to emphasize, he threw a fake severed foot behind him, and it landed in front of Jeremy, who screamed for a minute at minimum. They apologized and explained what was happening and eventually he calmed down. He did seem to have a morbid fascination with the foot once he realized it wasn’t real.”

Madeline stared at Roger in shock for a few moments.

“I assume by your reaction that you did not intend to scare him?” Roger inquired. 

“No! God. What a mess.” Madeline put her head in her hands and groaned. She looked back at Roger. “I tried to give him something fun and new. I wanted him to meet friends! So he doesn’t get stuck in this stupid castle with his mom and I. Did he at least meet someone his age?”

Roger shook his head. “The four men we encountered all had graying facial hair. They were kind and unthreatening.”

Madeline rolled her eyes. “Excellent. I’m going to go talk to Jeremy. Thank you, Roger. Goodnight.”

—

Jeremy’s room was full of all the things a kid could ever want but nothing that a person would actually need. The kid was laying on his bed, already in his pajamas. Madeline was surprised. It was rare that he would take his armor off without fighting her for an aggravating amount of time. Madeline walked over to the bed and gestured for Jeremy to scoot. She laid down next to him.

“What are you up to?” She asked.

“Staring at the ceiling.”

“Do you stare at the ceiling a lot?” 

“Yeah. If I look long enough, all the dots and swirls and textures begin to move. Like a moving story.”

She looked at him. He was transfixed. His eyes were wandering but also focused. 

“How are you feeling? I’m sorry about what happened at the Gardens.” She tousled his hair. 

“I’m okay, Madi. Once the men told me it was a fake foot I was fine.”

“Yeah? What do you think about going on a quest with them some time?”

“Nah. They’re all weird and old.”

“I’m so sorry. I had thought from the ad that they’d be closer to your age.”

“One of them looked like Dad.”

“Eww, really? Wait, sorry. I shouldn’t say that.”

Jeremy laughed. “I’m sorry about Gerald.”

“Just be nice to him from now on. He’s lived a tough life.” Madeline stood up, stretched, and walked over to the door. “Goodnight, Jeremy.”

“Thanks, Madi.”

Madeline turned off the light and shut the door. She walked back to the lounge to grab her computer. Roger was passed out on the futon. She threw a blanket over him and walked back towards her room. Time for bed.

—

Gerald hobbled towards the brick wall. He had survived the boy’s attack, but barely. His tiny body coursed with pain and exhaustion as he struggled to use his tiny crutch to pull himself forward. It was no use. The hastily assembled wood cracked and buckled, and Gerald crashed back into the dirt. He exhaled, sharply. The darkness snarled at him. The ball of fire wouldn’t be there for hours. This couldn’t be it. Could it?

He felt two small, cold hands grab him from behind, and he was lifted into the air. In a matter of seconds, the helpful stranger carried Gerald up the steps and placed him on top of the wall. Jeremy sat down next to the rooster and smoothed his feathers. Gerald narrowed his eyes. Jeremy looked out into the darkness and shivered. He unsheathed his sword. He turned to Gerald.

“Sorry,” he said.

Gerald scratched at the bricks with his claws. “SQUAAWWW!!!”

—

Madeline awoke to find that she had slept through her first five alarms. She sighed. No time for a bath. She could hear Gerald in the background. That must be a good sign, she thought. But there was something off about the sound of it. She walked over to her window and looked down at the wall. There Gerald stood, screeching at the sky, but this time with Jeremy in tow. Jeremy shouted at the top of his lungs, hollering and cheering on the sunrise. Madeline smiled. 

“There we go. He made a friend.” She chuckled to herself and got dressed. It was time for a new day, and a new quest.

Thank you for reading!