Now that the writer’s strike is over and the actor’s strike will definitely end soon (Because the AMPTP Jerks are definitely going to give the Actor’s Guild what they want) I’ve decided to start pitching my movie ideas to Hollywood again. Everybody knows the last few batches were conceptual gold and are just itching to be made, but unfortunately nobody has yet contacted me about any of those script ideas. Not that I’ve written any scripts or approached any producers in the hopes of pursuing these scripts, but I’m playing hard to get. Or I was. Here are a bunch more excellent movie ideas from my weird brain.

Float On Through – A mockumentary about dirigibles
Every year, rich weirdos from around the world get together and recreate the eighty day hot air balloon race from Jules Verne’s fictional novel (with some blimps as well) to varying degrees of success. The documentarians follow the efforts of some particularly motivated rich people, including one man and his family and their blimp crew, who ultimately crash on an island and descend into Lord of the Flies-like madness. A man attempts to make his house fly like in the movie Up. An ex-husband and ex-wife engage in deadly sky duels. And a news anchorman slowly goes insane trying to comment on this entire event from a boat in the middle of the ocean.

Suddenly 80 – And not loving it
An 18 year old girl named Patricia accidentally kicks over a garden gnome belonging to a spooky bookshop owner played by Christopher Walken. So, out of rage, this powerfully magical demon man curses Patricia to become an 80 year old woman. Suddenly 62 years have gone by and this woman who loved her life finds that life is approaching the ending. Life has passed her by and she needs to rediscover her youth before it’s too late and the clock strikes midnight or something. Oh, and somehow Christopher Walken is still alive in the future when Patricia is 80, or he has a 20 year old son when Patricia is 18 and he grows to look like his dad, or he’s the literal devil.

Song of Freedom – Luring sailors to justice
Long have sirens haunted the waves and tricked sailors and pirates into an early demise. But equally long is the storied and complicated history of the legal system the sirens use to keep their system fair and just. “Song of Freedom” follows two of the most prestigious and accomplished legal minds in siren society, a prosecutor and defense attorney. Watch through the years as their moral divide on the legal implications of the siren’s call changes their lives over and over again. Is this anything? Not all of these can be good.

Suddenly 80 Again – And Again and Again
It’s been five years since Patricia turned 80 for a week, and now she’s 23. Life is good and she is happy. Her and Christopher Walken, the weird magical shop owner, are friends now! But one day Patricia accidentally forgets Christopher Walken’s birthday, so he traps her in another curse… Suddenly she’s 80 again! And not only that, she’s caught in a time loop, living the same day over and over. So now Patricia has to re-rediscover her youth and escape – so she can kill Christopher Walken and stop getting cursed.

The Last Real Pirate – A documentary About Piracy
Out in the middle of Lake Superior, in a sleek, expensive pontoon painted bright orange (For visibility), a man named Cal Phillips lives, and pillages his way through the serene lake waters. Phillips claims to be the last living descendent of Blackbeard, and therefore is the last real pirate on planet Earth. But as a sixty-five year old Minnesotan Republican, his version of piracy differs somewhat from that of his ancestor. Follow some very bored and disappointed documentarians as they learn that his definition of piracy is drinking, fishing, yelling racist and lewd comments at the neighbors, and exploiting the results of a 23&me test for a deceptively interesting Facebook username.

Suddenly 18?! – A threequel, not a prequel
At the end of “Suddenly 80 Again” it was revealed that Christopher Walken was legitimately the devil, and he’d been orchestrating sudden Patricia’s aging not as punishment, but to toy with her. However, when he tried to turn Patricia back into a 23 year old, his devil powers malfunction, turning him into an 18 year old and sending himself and the still 80 Patricia back in time to the old west. Now Patricia has to help the devil find himself again, while also dueling weird aggressive cowboys.

Red Submarine – A Haunting Biopic
“Red Submarine” follows a semi-fictionalized version of the story of Fred, Jean, and Jebediah Wilson and their friends, who, in 1972, attempted to live life like the characters in the song, “Yellow Submarine”. They lasted seven months. In the end, bloodbath ensued. Based on survivor accounts and wild speculation, this is the story of how the 70’s got too groovy.

He Bought A Planet Fitness – An Inspiring True Story
When he was 47 years old, former Chicago mobster Jimmy Roberts was released from prison with three dreams: to become a legitimate businessman, to live in Portland, Oregon, and to get really buff. This is the story of how Jimmy bought and successfully ran a Planet Fitness in Portland, despite everyone in the world (Cops, gangsters, old friends, family, etc.) wanting him to fail and expecting him to go back to his old ways. This is the story of a man overcoming the odds. This is the story of Planet Fitness. This movie pitch was brought to you by Planet Fitness.

Alright, there’s your latest batch of excellent ideas. Go and make these into movies, if you aren’t Michael Bay. Hope you enjoyed reading these, look forward to seeing them all hit the big screens near you real soon.