This is different from the usual blog posts I write in that I’ve never talked about going to concerts before but I went to one on Saturday and it was really fun and I want to talk about it. I’m seeing two of my favorite bands in concert this summer, so in July when I go to see Vampire Weekend I’ll talk about that too probably. Let’s do it.

John Loves Music
When I was a kid my parents would play “Flood”, the most famous album that They Might Be Giants has ever released, which became a platinum record after selling over a million copies in 2009, seven years after I was born. They also played their kids albums for me, and their music spoke to me in a weird way that few bands do. Give me jazzy beats and weird lyrics and I’m there. Kid John was a huge fan of TMBG and The B-52’s and adult John can’t stop listening to The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, TISM, Flight of the Conchords and They Might Be Giants. Before the new Vampire Weekend album came out I went down a listening hole of excitement and went through most of their music that I’d never listened to and fell in love all over again, which is why my Dad and I knew they’d be playing at First Ave on the 15th of June.

The Band
Quick recap if you don’t know what I’m talking about. In 1982 two men named John Flansburgh and John Linnell founded a band called They Might Be Giants and for over 40 years they’ve recorded 23 studio albums with the weirdest and funniest songs. They have the kind of quirky energy I love from a band. For a while they had a service called Dial-A-Song where you could call their landline and get a song played for you over the phone. They recently revived the service, if you call (844) 387-6962 a TMBG song will be played for you over the phone. They’ve done so many random things over the years. They wrote the theme song to Malcolm In The Middle and the Dr. Evil theme for the Austin Powers movies. They have multiple children’s albums and a few albums not available on Spotify including one about supervillains that accompanies a comic book series. I’ve mentioned before I’m a massive Nick Offerman fan, the music video to their song “The Greatest” is about a creepy man making a Nick Offerman voodoo doll. Maybe some day I’ll do a Top 10 list just about their music, but it would be difficult, because they have hundreds of incredible songs, everything in Flood is just a classic. “Women and Men”, “Whistling In The Dark”, “Hot Cha”, “Twisting”, “Your Racist Friend”, “Minimum Wage”. What a great band. Also, the song you probably know best, “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)”. Though of course I’m probably just biased because they’re both named John. I’m loyal to the brand. TMBG, Papa Johns, Jimmy Johns (I always get the #2, The Big John), what else? Oh, Taco Johns I guess, I like their potato oles. Johnny Rockets, that’s a good one. I’m off track.

The Concert
I’m not usually a concert guy, I’ve been to a few big ones in my lifetime and a festival or two. I saw The Wiggles when I was a kid, I got beer spilled on me at a Chastity Brown show, I saw Vampire Weekend in 2019 and I saw Trampled By Turtles last year and threw myself under the bus when they went to give me a drink wristband. “Oh, I’m not 21.” What an idiot. The beard really ages me up. There were a lot of people there, it was a very sweaty show. I went with my Dad and we kept trying to find the right spot to stand in throughout, which I don’t think we ever achieved fully. Initially we were on the side towards the back and I could see the Johns sort of but he could not. Then I decided we should move over to the stairs and I sat on decades of spilt beer and piss and vomit on the steps to sort of crane my neck to look under the awning at the band from a distance. Once again he couldn’t see. I don’t often feel like a tall person, but my Dad is four or five inches shorter then me and he assumed I was over six feet tall, so that was personally validating. I just need to hang out with less tall friends. Zach, Joey, Jackson, if you’re reading this, it’s over.
They were celebrating the 30th anniversary of their album John Henry, so they played a few songs off that. There was one bit where Linnell just kept hitting a key on his keyboard that played the opening to “Back In Black” which made me flash back to the waterslide at my Grandma’s community pool. They installed a music system into the slide so you could pick which song from a kid’s or superhero you slid to and people would usually go with “Back In Black” or “All Star”. They also played one of their songs fully backwards. Then we moved up to the top floor and craned our necks at the monitor. That was the best view I got. Besides not being in the concert vibe and being surrounded by hipsters much older than me (Took me until that night to realize I look like a hipster) I really enjoyed myself and got into it. They only played one track off Flood, “one of their most famous songs, “Birdhouse In Your Soul” and everyone in the audience sang along and it was awesome. After that they did the song “Fingertips” which is really twenty different mini songs in one. They had two encores, and they closed out the first one with “Can’t Keep Johnny Down”, which became my anthem during my Junior year of College. It’s very good and fun and it’s got my name in it, though it feels ironic to listen to as an anthem since it is a song all about a guy named John who thinks he’s right and everyone sucks. I really enjoyed watching John and John live, they’ve got a real dorky dad vibe to them in the funniest way.
I had a great time. Before the concert we ate at a crappy Irish pub and I made the mistake of ordering the Shepard’s Pie, which messed with my insides. They played TMBG songs as we ate, which was cool. I momentarily embarrassed myself by telling Dad I didn’t remember Prince was from Minnesota, and got photos in front of all the Prince stuff in the venue.
END OF REPORT

Miscellaneous Lyrics (Optional)
Some dude hitting golf balls on the moon, bathroom in his pants, and he thinks he’s better than me
I’m pointing a finger at my own face, they can’t know what’s in here
And they can’t keep Johnny down
Beneath my dignity to flip off the guy when he pulls up alongside to say my gas cap is unscrewed
And they can’t, can’t keep Johnny down
They haven’t yet built the man that’ll keep old Johnny down

I’m your only friend, I’m not your only friend but I’m a little glowing friend but really I’m not actually your friend but I am-
Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch who watches over you
Make a little birdhouse in your soul
Not to put too fine a point on it, say I’m the only bee in your bonnet
Make a little birdhouse in your soul

Don’t, don’t, don’t let’s start, this is the worst part
Could believe for all the world that you’re my precious little girl but don’t, don’t, don’t let’s start
I’ve got a weak heart and I don’t get around how you get around

Hot Cha, where are you? Everybody’s eyes are closed, I can’t see why I miss you so, so Hot Cha, where are you?
Second time he went away, left the bathtub running over, stereo on and cooking bacon, never came back to tell us why

I’ve got a big old problem, I’ve got a big old problem, I’ve got a big old problem
Shape shifters all around
Where did my world go?
One minute everything is home and friends and New York Times and lawn
Beware the blob they said, how was I to know they meant, the UPS delivery man, the koi in the tank and the anchorwoman?

The drumbeat never changes tempo, it’s steady like a rock and like a rock it crushes you as it gets louder
The drum gets louder and louder and you know there is no parking on the dance floor
And when you wake up you can feel your hair grow, crawl out of your cave and you can watch your shadow
Creep across the ground until the day is done, all the while the planet circles ’round the sun
Everybody knows how this goes so let’s get over it and let’s get this over with

Minimum Wage!
HYAH!

This has been John’s first official concert report. If you enjoyed this, stay tuned for July.