The Never Ending Battle

I’m lost

Struggling

Grasping for breath beneath the unrelenting waves

Of tacky desk confectionaries

A nearby aisle assaults me with wicker baskets

While I’m nearly strangled by some soft blankets

The scented candles attempt to burn me alive

I try to run

To escape

But trip over a fuzzy ottoman that’s been on sale since 1995

I retreat

Wounded and afraid

I must make a plan

I hide behind a fake Christmas tree

And ignore my anger

It’s July

I grab some Nerf guns from the unnecessary toy aisle

And shoot blindly into the distance

Wounding some framed photos of fake families in the process

I grab some children’s books

Throw them like ninja stars

And run with abandon

I make my way to kitchen items

While Curious George Visits The Library decapitates a mannequin

Don’t Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus rips through a rack of ties

And The Very Hungry Caterpillar defeats some incoming dog toys

I’m almost at the door when I’m intercepted

By a dozen pairs of cheap headphones

I throw a fake plant their way and run to my left

Where I’m confronted by a flock of ill-fitting suit jackets

To my right the headphones are recovering

While in front of and behind me

I’m pelted with off-brand potato chips

And plastic handbags with photos of dogs on them

I let loose a shriek of anguish

I was almost free!

I’m about to give up

When I spot mere steps away

A basket full of boys’ gym shorts

I grab the basket and sweep it around me in a frantic circle

Defeating my opponents in one fell swoop

Triumphant, I run out the doors into the fresh air

And gasp a sigh of relief

My father makes his way to my side

“I guess Marshalls didn’t have anything”

He says

“Wanna try TJ Maxx?”

One thought on “The Never Ending Battle

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