A Modern Fairy Tale

I wanted to start writing short stupid stories in different formats. And this week I decided to write my own fairy tale. It’s not like we have any good new fairy tales, right? It’s all pigs and wolves and shoes and beanstalks and other crap. Let’s get some new blood in there. I’m sick of … Continue reading A Modern Fairy Tale →

Canoeing Outside My Comfort Zone

For many reasons that don't really make sense, I chose to spend my summer working at a summer camp that sends campers out on canoe portaging trips in the Boundary Waters. Despite the fact that it isn't something I would normally do, I've been having a pretty good time so far. I just returned from … Continue reading Canoeing Outside My Comfort Zone →

More of John’s Movie Pitches!

About three months ago I decided that the best way to break into Hollywood was to tell them my ideas directly. That way they could come to me and option all my excellent movie ideas. But for some reason, nobody ever contacted me about any of my pitches. I've thought long and hard about why … Continue reading More of John’s Movie Pitches! →

I Tried To Write A Song

I'm not the first person to point out how unrealistic some songs can be. You could go on Spotify right now and listen to over a thousand different songs about getting drunk and partying and having the best day of your life. Now I've never gotten drunk myself, but from what I've heard from people … Continue reading I Tried To Write A Song →

Stuck In An Elevator

A few months ago I was at work during an extremely short campus-wide power outage. It was probably about five seconds long. But I kept saying to everyone how I wished I had been in the elevator when it happened. How that would be such a great story to have. Everyone looked at me like … Continue reading Stuck In An Elevator →

An Ode To Spring

It feels as if the ground is buckling under me with each slippery step. The unforgiving concrete has been coated with what must have once been a fine white powder. But now the thick paste surrounding my soaking feet looks a lot more like day-old excrement. No matter how far up the hill I seem … Continue reading An Ode To Spring →

My Greatest Fear

Welcome to my fiftieth blog post!!! I did it! Yaaaaaaaaay. Thank you to everyone who has read my posts so far. And no thank you if you aren't reading my blog. I can definitively say that if you've never read my blog then you aren't my friend and I don't like you. Because you aren't … Continue reading My Greatest Fear →

I Rewatched Space Jam: A New Legacy And This Is The Full Review!

Full spoilers for this full review of this bad movie that I love! About five months ago I attempted to rewatch my favorite/least favorite movie, Space Jam: A New Legacy. My plan was to provide 115 thoughts I had while watching it, because this movie is 115 minutes long. But the awesomeness that is this … Continue reading I Rewatched Space Jam: A New Legacy And This Is The Full Review! →

Superpowers

Because I'm a known comic book fan I've been asked many times which superpower I would want to have. It's an interesting question that I've thought about a lot, but I've never really come up with a definitive answer. Lately all the answers I can think of are mostly negative self-deprecative ideas that would inevitably … Continue reading Superpowers →

I Finished Rewatching Space Jam: A New Legacy And I Need A Hug

More spoilers for this horrible movie that I love. A long time ago I decided to do a live reaction review of Space Jam: A New Legacy and post 115 thoughts I had about the film on my blog. I made it through half of the movie before I couldn't take it anymore, and the … Continue reading I Finished Rewatching Space Jam: A New Legacy And I Need A Hug →